Posts Tagged ‘woods’

What the hell Heavy rock?

Monday, November 24th, 2008

What the hell happened to you Heavy Rock genre? When did the “let’s do what all the other successful bands do” thing happened?

Oh sure, in Ye Olden Days, you where just angry Scandinavians and Dutch screaming into microphones pretend you where actually singing.

But dammit, you did it with fucking style and it’s glorious beyond imagination. Amon Amarth is a fine example of how it used to be, honest to Odin noise and anger. Just the way your distant ancestors would have wanted it.

To bad we had to stop the whole “invade everyone” else thing we had, eh lads?

Now, up comes along Nightwish, or some other band, I can’t be fucking bothered to actually research which obscure band did what first, Nightwish will serve quite well as an example of the pox.

Delightful isn’t it? As delightful as hornets down your underwear. Which is actually fairly delightful, if you are watching from some distance.

Look at them! It’s tame, boring and rips of Meatloaf’s symphony-rock sound. I’ll give them point for not sexualising the female lead. That’s always something.

To bad she’s so “goth” that she almost speaks German, most of their other music videos is her in a fucking dress, a dress! What lunatic still wears dresses, outside weddings and funerals, wear some fucking pants.

Of course, there are worse creatures than Nightwish out there, on the Ocean of Corruption that is Our Internet.

Let’s take an example, I only recently dug out of Myspace: Into The Woods.

I would like to point out, that due to some oddball attempt at localizing the link to their “myspace” account, the link goes: intothewoodsuk.

Foreboding, thy name has been called.

Eyes Wide Shut takes a piss on Stanley Kubrick, and then procedes to dig him up and rape the corpse.

Not only did they rip off the name of his last movie. It’s also downright horrible, I’ll try to point out all the mistakes.

There is no consistency in the song, it goes from full-on Heavy Rock to something out of Nightwish or Celtic folk music.

Apparently “progressive” means, full of shit.

The Eclipse, is just generic. It even has the good old “lead singer just making vaguely musical noises” that everyone and their dog uses.

Breaking Silencesure breaks with the standard that the rest of them made, when it comes to the intro part.

The Lead Singer is actually fairly decent, it’s just to bad most of their music isn’t progressive at all. It’s bland.

Progressive is the new mainstream I guess.