Posts Tagged ‘warhammer 40K’

No, I don’t know either

Sunday, October 4th, 2009

Whelp, pretty much all my cognitive operators are gone out the window today, so I can’t be bothered to write anything even remotely intelligent or interesting, so you’ll just have to do with absurdity and inane bullshit that makes absolutely no sense at all, or perhaps it will, I haven’t got a clue yet.

To be honest, nothing ever really happens on Sundays, there just a bunch of boring crap days that for reasons stupid religions are “free days”.

Why seven? Why 52 weeks? Why do I care? There really isn’t any reason at all.

Let’s randomly change subject into something else, like the massive problem with classical Danish humour, or as anyone outside the country would call it: “Fucking retarded toilet humour”. Apparently the older and more popular versions of Danish humour are primarily based on Dirch Passer talking VERY loudly, Linje 3 making horrible impressions and someone falling on his/her ass.

It’s odd, I know it’s pretty crap, but I still laugh my silly little head off, now Danish standup is pretty much the same as the rest of the western world, angry person screaming about shit he really loath, jokes and more jokes.

It’s fairly normal, even if a few do stand out a bit, like that guy who based his show on a fake apartment, wherein he was trying to come up with an idea for his show, it was a delight to watch, mostly because he’s a pretty deranged individual.

Still, makes it fairly easy to laugh as a Dane, as pretty much everything is funny, even a kitten being hit by a car at high speeds and slamming into an old lady, go ahead, try and find one out there, in the Aether.

People always forget just how awesome the Elder really are, don’t they? Really fucking old, seal the souls of their dead inside gems to prevent them from falling into the hands of Slanesh, who they created by the way.

They live in giant space cities and travel through the motherfucking webway! How cool is that? Fucking cool.

The reason why people think they are little cowards with giant schemes and wheels within wheels, plans within plans are because they are more hit and run, strike single target, let’s wait and see.

Can’t forget that they’ll betray you for any reason at all.

Ever mentioned a like the Bee Gees? Ever mentioned that anyone who doesn’t like the Bee Gees deserve to be shot in the face? Don’t think I have.

So fuck you haters.

Remember how I said Danes will laugh at the simplest forms of humour? See above, that’s apparently the absolute pinnacle of Danish popular humour.

Yes, you may feel pity for us, but then remember we are horrible racist and our present government would love to wipe out Christiana, the only thing we’re know for besides butter, bacon and racism.

Isn’t that awesome?

The Bee Gees are fucking awesome.

And on that closing note and bombshell: I hate you all.

The Chronicle of Deimos of Titan!

Saturday, September 26th, 2009


By the Emperor’s Grace! What foulness is this? This is neither Titan, nor is it Holy Terra! Another trickery of the Arch-fiends?


What is this? Mutants? Filthy mutants? Unworthy of the Emperor’s Blessed Light! Unworthy of Life! Purge them from this mangled world, in the name of the Emperor!


The Emperor grant you his Blessings in the purifying flames poor creature! Be at Peace with your Dark Gods, for I am Deimos of Titan, and I know now of Mercy!


This world must have suffered a truly devastating war some centuries ago, and though the Emperor’s Blessing is with the skies above, the world itself has yet to recover.


And yet life goes on, the few uncorrupted men I have encountered so far, tells me strange stories of a Great War some centuries ago, and they seem to have personified the God-Emperor into avatars of some sort, some worship “The Atom”, as a sort of creator force and I have encountered a Chapel to St. Katherine, oddly enough, they seem to have no understanding of the Golden Throne, and yet, they are not heretics worshiping the Dark Gods. Perhaps the Ecclesiarchy will send missionaries when I reestablish contact with the Imperium.


So there are Heretics on this world! Ha! I shall rejoice in their purge!


By Fire be Purged!


What is this? What Technosorcery is this? The Tau? The Eldar? Filthy Xenos Scum!


RAAARRGHH! Filthy Xenos! How dare you lie hand upon a Grey Knight, long shall be your suffering, sweet will be your deaths!


By Fire be Purged!


I have linked up with a few other brave civilians, who had been placed into some sort of cryostatis on-board this Xenos, a young girl seems to know much about this ship and it’s foul occupants, her bravery is worthy of one of the Emperor’s finest, with their assistance, this ship shall be purged, and perhaps I can commandeer the vessels communication system or perhaps event he navigation systems, for return to the Imperium I shall!


Saturday, January 19th, 2008

A Dark Angel, a Blood Angel and a Space Wolf walk into a bar, and order a tankard each of that kind of booze that kills anyone but a Space Marine. However, a small bird lands in each of the Space Marines’ drinks.

The Dark Angel knocks his drink over and walks out mumbling about how the Emperor is punishing him for something or other.

The Blood Angel goes nuts and wrecks half the bar, totally blowing his chances of scoring with the Sisters of Battle down the end or the bar (except maybe the one with the heavy flamer).

The Space Wolf grabs the bird out of the drink and holds it over the tankard, screaming “SPIT IT OUT YA HERETIC BASTARD!”.