Posts Tagged ‘sucks’

Angels cry because of this.

Tuesday, October 20th, 2009

Hey thanks for the add. I am getting close to the major record deal I just need to reach 1million plays &20,000 friends. Please show your support by adding me to ur Tops and refering me to your friends to reach that goal.

But of course you filthy trollop of a consumer Pop/R&B Beyonce rip-off of a waste of genetics, I’d be happy to spread the word about how great your fucking miserable excuse of musical endeavours are, and I can reassure you, that I absolutely believe that fucking record companies base their record deals on the number of Myspace friends bands have, and on how many times their “music” has been played, and not on how hot the singer looks on the cover of “Playboy”.

Her first “song” is Voodo, which starts sounding like early 80’s electronic music, and then goes into a twisting decent towards the very pits of human misery.

Also know as Dorset.

Why the hell is it a good thing to sing in a disjointed manner that has absolutely nothing to do with the actual melody? Or the music? Or anything remotely pertaining to logic and reason.

And her voice is run through enough computers to put Microsoft BOB to shame, I’ll bet my entire professional non-existence.

It’s just so generic and crap, and fucking hate R&B, almost as much as I fucking hate rap, and this is MTV R&B like nothing you’ve heard a billion times already.

“Baby (Far Away)” actually covers me feelings very well, I wish I was fucking far away, somewhere around Saturn, drowning in a sulphur eruption on Io.

It just so awful, her voice sounds like fucking shit, the lyrics are boring shit about her singing about her abusive arsehole of a boyfriend, who’s undoubted made of muscles and nothing else.

And like always, the melody is the same fucking thing all the way through, and the choir is present and annoying through the whole fucking thing.

“Break your fall” tricks me by sounding like a Spice Girls song, and then I realize, it is a Spice Girls song, it shifts completely away from the noisy bullshit R&B and into generic pop territory.

And yet, you can still here the post-modernist disorganized noise of the R&B territory, like the “Ahahnanana” sounds that so prevail that realm of hell.

It’s just a really shitty Spice Girls rip off, and Spice Girls where fucking horrible.

I hate the “song” “Storm” before this idiot have even opened her mouth, I hate it like I hate small woodland animals.

It’s not fucking music, music requires that the actual fucking melody have something to do with the rest of the fucking song, rather than just being some bullshit beat that annoys me in the background.

And what the fuck is up with all that voice works they’ve done? Does her voice sound that bad?


I can already see the “Softcore” images out there, in the aether. Just awful, don’t buy it, don’t give her a record deal, don’t encourage her.

She sucks.

Those who scream incomprehensibly beneath the table.

Monday, September 28th, 2009

Those Who Lie Beneath send me a billion lines of useless text.

First of all, thank you for opening the message and giving us this much of your time! You will be surprised with what you hear if you make your way to our profile. We promise!

We know what it’s like to be tired of the waves and waves of no name, unmotivated, unprofessional bands that are seeking your approval by the thousands. We would be embarrased to add Those Who Lie Beneath to the sea of cliche MySpace bands and we would never do that to you, or ourselves. It would not only be wasting your time, but our own. We would not go out of our way to ask you to listen to us if we didn’t think there was a good chance that you might actually enjoy it! It’s a sad state of affairs when someone has to BLOCK friend requests from musicians because they’re so tired of being unimpressed.

With that said, we’re a brand new upcoming Metal band that has recently been signed to Rise Records. This is the time in any band’s career where it’s time to push harder than you ever have before, and that means getting our name out there, getting people to hear this music whether they like it or not, and making them be familiar with the Those Who Lie Beneath name. We have posted two brand new tracks off of our upcoming debut full length album, “An Awakening”, that will be released on October 13th. We have poured our hearts and souls, given our everything to making music since we were kids, and finally, this is our chance to do something with it, our potential pay back. If want to help us with this, and it would be an immense help, truthfully, ALL you have to do is take a listen, if you dig it, accept us! Add a song to your profile so kids hear it, let some friends know, post a bulletin asking others to check it out, and/or add us to your top friends! Anything helps. This is the most important time of our lives! And if our music makes love to your earholes, PLEASE HELP US MAKE IT A GOOD ONE! It would mean the world to us.

It’s only going to get better from here and we’d love to take you along for the ride.


Wow, let’s just recap on their horrible myspace site:

A: Giant picture at the top that blocks out everything advertising something stupid: Check.
B: Billion tons of useless JPEGs replacing any link? Check.
C: Black, black, black, black? Check.

Holy shit, failed on all counts, I’m sorry Those who Scream Wolf, that’s an F-, and I’m going to have a VERY serious conversation with your families, mostly involving screaming “Why did you allow your kids to breath air?” at them for eighteen hours.

The first “song” is “Awaken”, and I have no words.

Wait, yes I have, why did you do this? Why would anyone listen to this? And why the hell do you exist?

It’s a garbage song, it sounds like the singer is a drunk longshoreman screaming through a pillow into a microphone covered in tar. I haven’t got a fucking clue what he’s singing about anyway.

The instruments are being played by hateful and spiteful people who doesn’t like little innocent kittens, and take out all their hatred on their poor instruments.

It isn’t even music, it’s just unbearable noise.

“As the Vultures circle” is the same song.

Of course it isn’t, and yet, is it? There sure isn’t any freaking difference in the general areas, both are loud and generally annoying.

“Out of Sight, Out of Mind” is exactly what I’m going to do with this. I literally cannot understand how this “noise” came to be.

It isn’t any good, it isn’t even close to decent.

The closest I come to a description is “Apocalyptic sewer garbage sound assault with intent to harm”.

It’s utterly horrible and with absolutely no chance for any sort of redemption.

When in doubt, Trust your sources.

Saturday, September 12th, 2009

(9:50:28 PM) Sutaseiu: ps thanks for the entertainment, I was getting bored
(9:57:45 PM) lazeriusbalfour: You still pestering me?
(9:57:53 PM) Sutaseiu: hardly pestering
(9:57:57 PM) lazeriusbalfour: Unless you’ve got some more interesting shots, bugger off.
(9:58:10 PM) Sutaseiu: aaaww can’t we talk nicely like we used to? (Haven’t talked with her for ages.)
(9:59:03 PM) lazeriusbalfour: We used to? We haven’t talked for ages you dimwit, you just popped up a few days ago with a shitload of images.
(9:59:12 PM) lazeriusbalfour: Now sod off.
(9:59:26 PM) Sutaseiu: so cranky
(9:59:53 PM) lazeriusbalfour: So pierced nipples.
(10:00:02 PM) Sutaseiu: yep
(10:01:43 PM) lazeriusbalfour: Having some problems with your self-image, thus you attempt to reinforce it with a sexualization of your mammary glands?
(10:01:56 PM) Sutaseiu: Hmm
(10:02:08 PM) Sutaseiu: No, I just felt like mutilating a part of myself, and tattoos are too expensive
(10:02:33 PM) Sutaseiu: still want to easily find a decent job, so almost anything visible is out of the question
(10:03:21 PM) lazeriusbalfour: You do realize, that pierced nipples are easily visible through most light cloathing?
(10:03:41 PM) Sutaseiu: that’s why getting it done as fall and winter are coming was a smart idea
(10:04:43 PM) lazeriusbalfour: That makes absolutely no sense, as spring usual comes after winter, unless your amazing powers of predictions see a fucking ICE AGE coming next spring. In which case your piercings can be very useful.
(10:05:17 PM) lazeriusbalfour: As a rudimentary coat hanger for the psychopath to hang your skin on.
(10:05:18 PM) Sutaseiu: By the time spring comes around, they should have healed, and if I was wearing a shirt that light, I could take them out and using fishing wire/etc to keep the holes open
(10:05:38 PM) Sutaseiu: and spring is usually still rather cool here
(10:06:28 PM) lazeriusbalfour: And tattoos cost by the square-centimetres.
(10:06:33 PM) lazeriusbalfour: Must be expensive.
(10:07:14 PM) Sutaseiu: I want my full back done
(10:07:20 PM) Sutaseiu: and they charge by the hour here
(10:08:39 PM) Sutaseiu: piercings are far cheaper
(10:08:50 PM) lazeriusbalfour: Of course they are.
(10:09:10 PM) lazeriusbalfour: Still nothing interesting to give me so I can ridicule Towers? No?
(10:09:13 PM) lazeriusbalfour: Fuck off then.
(10:09:21 PM) Sutaseiu: nah, I don’t have problems with him lately
(10:14:05 PM) Sutaseiu: Still I’ll work on that picture thing for you

I’ll be waiting my dear.

Animeleague: The Overview

Saturday, September 12th, 2009

Well, it’s pretty much over and done with for this round. If I kept throwing shit at them, they might just think I cared.

Can’t have now can we.

So as a final, I’ll be giving you a walkthrough of the issues of a community, of the type Animeleague belongs in.

Anime-themed forums, it isn’t really an anime forum in any way or shape, as the vast majority of the forums purpose is social interaction and general discussion.

So it’s just anime-themed, the signatures, avatars and general layout reeks with standard mangaesque drawings and photoshops.

Now, the main issues with these kind of forums, and with animeleague especially, is that there’s no sense of criticism. Even the most awful contributions are elevated as mana from Mount fucking Olympus.

Now, that wouldn’t be a problem, in a dreamworld, made of puppies and sunshine. This lack of criticism and attentionwhoring, creates an atmosphere that’s not realistic in any way or shape.

To a degree, attentionwhores make it a long way in pornography I suppose. It’s just that sooner or later you have to show some actual skills too.

And how you can do this and not expect troubles are beyond me:


Yes, what a good idea.

Now, before you go nuts, this didn’t go as expected, everyone and their dog went “That’s fucking retarded”. Stacey expected some positive feedback, perhaps even a “Pics plx”.

Surprisingly, it didn’t go that way:


And as Matt said:


She probably had pictures of the atrocity taken and ready to post Matt, wouldn’t even surprise me at all. Would disgust me.

Guess the whole issue of “treat women like whores” is living good and well inside her twisted little head.

Oh wait, she’s fat, I totally forgot.


Haven’t got a clue who “Joel” is, but he/she/it should stop by one day, hang around, have a coke. Also, the guy in the second post was probated, apparently he/she/it had done a bunch of other stuff.

Still a pretty good reply, on most forums, he/she/it would have been a hero.


So, this is how things are done behind the scenes, back when I had the misfortune of being a volunteer on the forums, internal censorship would have created a fucking shitstorm.

So Fortune here isn’t even allowed to comment about the administration of a specific forum, how delightful, I guess her opinion is against the opinion of Michael “Freesaiyan” Towers.

Another problematic issue with these kind of forums are fascist leadership with no opportunity for debate, even among staff members internally.


I’ve titled this one “wasted effort”. Because that’s really what is.

In the eyes of the generic members of the forums, the rules exist to keep the bright sparkling creative members down and out of the way.

So they can feel special without any sort of effort or creativity.

I remember during one of my “I’m bored let’s use a proxy and mess around on animeleague” periods a few years a back. I could almost see the terror my originality caused among the members of the forums, it was awesome.

Which brings me to another point, nepotism. Staff members aren’t selected due to skill or anything in that area, it’s all popularity.

Or having a friend on staff, suggesting you in a violent and threatening manner. That’s not really a very good system, seeing as the popular are usually the ones who smack their tits in the face of the peons or the ones who appeal most to the baser instincts.

Or who watches the most Naruto.

As a closing argument, remember.

Don’t take the Internet to serious.


I shall now salute the New World Order for the rest of the next 34 seconds, all the way to the Forums!

More Vandalism and you

Friday, September 11th, 2009

Here we are again. Unfortunately, the good people of has decided to censor the term “Ragnarokz” and replace it with “moron”.

Absolutely delightful, and actually remarkably competent. Probably Matt’s idea.


Internet Lawyers! Drama! Action! A weirdos on the Internet, all that an more on Tonight’s Edition of the FOOOOORUM WATCH!


The Truth is much stronger than a lie, I refer here to this and this.

And Towers, what keeps you from getting a decent job is the fact that you think your fucking forum is in any way or shape important.


It’s not a serious fucking article you dimwitted British idiot. It’s a parady based on the large flaws in your soulless personality. Like when you had sex with this!


Let me quote the imaginary lawyer that could be hypothetically conjured up from this.

“Well Mr. Towers, as the website in question is American and covered under American parody law, there isn’t really anything we can do.”

“Also, I’m afraid that It’ll cost you more than you presently earn to conduct this case under American law, have a good day Mr. Towers.”

“No sexual favours are not legitimate currency, also, I now play for the other team, forever.”

“Now take your fucking shirt back on.”


Tsunade: All people on the Internet and on anime-themed shit forums like yours, deserve all that.

Matt: Who cares?


Space Cowboy is pretty much spot on, guess you have to be a bit more careful with what you do Michael, how unfortunate.


They’d probably laugh in your face if you ask them for anything, also, Mr. Towers isn’t even being that severely attacked.

I’ve seen worse.


You’re right, Free isn’t a Paedophile, he just likes them nice and young.


Ah Rukia, it must be pleasant to be so naive really. Some companies probably wouldn’t Towers, mostly because he’s a freak of epic proportions.


For those of you who want the text of the entire very loooooong and very useless post, it’s right here!


And this idiot decides to give us a full review of the entire thread in a single post, with only the smallest amount of spaces.

Well done, well done indeed.

The rest of the thread is just a bit of circlejerking. Nothing worth anyones time.

Once again thanks to Stacey and Revy, who are now trying desperately to backtrack, but hey, that means they might just give me a whole mess of dirt another time.

I look forward to cooperating with you both another time.

Last one’s tomorrow, just a general walkthrough of the problems, flaws and mediocracy of anime-themed forums like animeleague.

Vandalism and you.

Thursday, September 10th, 2009

You can probably guess what this one’s all about, can’t you?

Wrong, it’s about ANIMELEAGUE.NET, not about filthy cybersex you freak.



Reichspräsident Michael Towers just asked his forum staff to commit gross acts of vandalism on another site, isn’t that lovely?



It still amazes me to a considerable degree that a man with the charisma of a burnt potato can create such loyalty and anger in his volunteer moderation staff.

Yet another case of “Power attracts” and seeing as Tower’s only power is being the owner of a silly generic forum, all the people he attracts are stupid, bland and probably fat.


Really isn’t much of interest from the actual content of the post, but look at that signature, Pokemon? Ha!


Dear Copernicus, have you seen that? It’s all just bullshit.


18.000 members. Yes, of course.

700 of them active eh? Pretty sure Encyclopedia Dramatica can manage that one, especially seeing as this was in his private staff section. So, what 30 people? Bound to be a couple who realize how silly the whole thing is.


Nope, they just moved it.


So, Towers talking about hacking a wikipedia web software.

Pies trying in vain.


Free digging his grave deeper, Space Cowboy stating the obvious.


Towers really hasn’t got a clue how the Internet, or life, works. Raising to the bait, just makes it better for us Michael.

So please keep trying, don’t stop the horrible fight.


Sweetheart, Mike would need something in the range of rape and murder before he could claim higher moral ground that his “opponents”.

Also, blackmail, nice how he really brings out the WORST of his followers.


Natürlich, mein Führer, Reichsführer-SS Zelgadis ist immer mit Ihnen! SIEG HEIL!


And I end it on a CLIFFHANGER! That’ll fucking teach you little scumbags. It’s time for Internet Legal Action! The Greatest Threat since the Danish Army around 1940!

See you next time, thanks to Stacey and Revy!

Paranoia on the Anime Forums Part Two!

Wednesday, September 9th, 2009

Paranoia on the Anime Forums Part Two! Operation: Overlord!

Welcome back to the Paranoia train!


To clarify, this has nothing to do with me. I have nothing to do with any of the elements involved in this entire silly little e-conflict.

I’m just bored and likes to fling shit at people for no apparent reason.

Also, I really don’t like Michael “Dragonballz” Towers.



You know what’s horribly wrong right know? The word “betray” from Padfoot.

I wasn’t aware that your silly little generic teenager forum was a fucking cult my dear Padfoot.

Betray? By the Prophet that’s the most retarded thing I’ve seen all damn day. It’s a fucking forum you dimwitted idiot, not a fucking religious movement, not a fucking liege lord.

You’re not a fucking vassal of some stereotypically incompetent monarch.

Even if he wants to be one.


Zelgadis, there we have you again. Do you ever stop being useless? Probably not. I sincerely wish nothing but nightmares upon you, until that far off day where you STOP POSTING USELESS ARSE COVERING BULLSHIT!


Watch out for Reichsführer-SS Padfoot, he’s hunting the traitors that dare to oppose his eternal Lord and Master!

Give him a bigger fucking blowjob will you?


Yeah, not really the most fascinating part, neither is this:


And to run this rather lacklustre feature into the ground, more arse covering bullshit.


So what conclusions can we draw from all this?

Zelgadis is a pathetic worm.

Thank you and goodbye.

Michael “Freesaiyan” Towers

Thursday, July 30th, 2009

Now, Michael “Freesaiyan” Towers is the guy who owns and operates the Animeleague forums: This is how he describes himself:

Strengths: Intelligence, Charisma, Loyalty, Courage, Kindness, Selflessness, Insightful, Humour, Organisational/Management Skills and Wit (allegedly), open-minded, extreme resilience (ie: I don’t give up), determined, common-sense and logical.
Weaknesses: Apathy, Sadness, Under-Confidence, Social Odd-ball, Fear, Very Poor Relationship Skills with the opposite sex, too-soft.

I’d personally describe him as a selfish little twit of a man, weak, stupid and with an amazing ability to somehow twists people’s tasteless facination for Japanese cartoons into his own personal goon squad.

Now he has a lovely little feud with pretty much everyone else, related to silly Japanese Culture Convention, in the whole of Britain, because his convention is a giant mess: It steals from others, pester, annoy and is really fucking small.

But that’s not what you’re here for, you can read more about Towers here!

You’re here for secrets from the lovely STAFF forum of ANIMELEAGUE.NET, which I have aquired through my “Sources“.

We started out with the most important thread I could fine “This could be a problem for us now”, where Freesaiyan is whining about Encylopedia Dramatica being awesome and great.


You can see all the links here!





Some bullshit about how he wants more CYBERPOWER into his grubby little British hands:


I didn’t actuall read all this, it’s something about flying cars and dreams.


Now it get’s a little fancy again, Free, in his unwarrented paranoia, thinks some other con is out to GET HIM! Yes, because billions of people do nothing but try to get GLORIOUS VENGANCE on some nerdy English idiot.

He even calls it Astro-turfing, trying to present his opponents as a fake grassroots organization, despite the fact that this is the Internet.

We’re all grassroot, all of us.

Baically Towers thinks he is the first person to run a moderately successful UK based anime board and takes personal offence; when someone dares to claim that they were doing it before him.


He actally “requires” shit of his members, like it’s a fucking priviledge being a member of his stupid Japanese cartoon forum, hey! News-fucking-flash! There’s about a trillion fucking forums just like yours.

Just without the English racism, you nationalist prick.


I figured some of you nerds would want to look around the forums Freesaiyan babbles on about. (Gone with the Winds) (Gone, probably deleted, why have the conventionequivalent of STDs in your community?) This one is fucking awesome (Reqires a login, probably furries.) (Gone, the Conspiracy grows larger) (And the party goes on!)




Oh noes! How horrible! They wont show up at a Convention who doesn’t want them! Twenty people might not show up! The horror! Truely MCM are now doomed to forever walk the desolated streets of Manchster.

Well, I’m sure someone out there can use all this for greater purpose than mine.

Then again, my purpose is entertainment.

And there isn’t a greater one.

Once again, thank you SOURCES!

I’m a Nickelback fan?

Monday, July 6th, 2009

Dearest “Jay” send me this utterly preposterous message:

Hey there fellow Nickelback fan. Just wanted to take a moment and introduce you to Carly Smithson. If you haven’t heard of her, you most likely will. She’s a rock singer. Check out her page and add her to your friends to keep up with the latest news. And while you’re at it check out her new band We Are The Fallen. Thanks and have a great day.

I have no fucking clue why this idiot thinks I’m a Nickelback fan. Wait, yes I do. He simply sent out billions of stupid messages about some random band and hoped that Nickelback fans would be around.

To bad he sent one of his spam crap to an angry Danish bloke who just happens to like Queen, Tchaikovsky and Vangelis.

For those, like me, who are unfamiliar with Nickelback, they are basically a band who can be encapsulated in two words: “Whiny rock”.

Cry me a fucking river. Boring crap song.

Well, it’s kinda odd to actually review an actual band and not just some random MySpace scrub. To bad they suck to such a degree only utter infantile morons would ever listen to it seriously.

Pretty sure the song is about sex, always had a problem with these kinda songs, fucking impossible to understand a fucking word.

But alas, I’m getting away from the core of the stupid message.

Jay wanted me to:

a) Visit the Myspace designed by a moron: Carly Smithson.

So for the first time I’ll have to review a fucking website, thanks a lot “Jay”.

So let’s party: The site doesn’t fit in anyway in Mozilla Firefox, which is both retarded and lazy. There’s a giant picture of “Carly”, trying to look alluring and sexy, to bad she looks like she’s high on something, possibly glue.

For some reason the “details” area is shoved to the right, which is odd, leaves a GIANT fucking hole in the site. Possibly caused by aforementioned lazy programming.

Her comments section is pretty out of whack too. Also full of stupid idiots, she’s been in some idol competition apparently? You Yanks must be pretty far out, we usually ignore these idiots after they’ve won/lost.

Because the suck.

But enough about her poorly made myspace, on to the next deal.

b) Visit We are the Fallen‘s myspace.

It retains it’s ugly default standard, with a fancy colour scheme, and by fancy, I mean similar to Hitler’s Brutalist architecture.

They do however have a single lone song lieing around for our listening pleasure. Oh joy of joys. Let’s listen to that trainwreck.

“Bury me alive” is the only song they’ve got available for them, and I’m not even going to download whatever else these idiots have made.

It’s fucking Evanescence and Nightwish and whatever the fuck else those fucks are called.

It’s noisy, the instruments have a tendency to blend each other out, and every time the singer sings, it goes quiet, presumable so we can hear her “sing”.

She can sing, but she can’t sing.

All in all, I am not a Nickelback fan.

And fuck anyone who thinks so.

Sierra Leone should be ashamed of itself.

Thursday, July 2nd, 2009

Blakka-P send me a Telegraphic letter of idiocy through the Post-Modern Expressionism website that is

Whats up my friend? Im an aspiring artist from Sierra Leone with a lot of interesting songs, If you dont mind, please come check out my page and give me a listen. Leave a comment if you like what you hear. Thanks!! Stay safe

Blakka P

He gets a single lonely point for being polite.

“Superior” is the first song. I has no interest, and the music sounds like it’s being played by a drunk German with spears through his ears.

It’s fucking awful. I have no clue what the hell he’s singing, I can hear some occasional English words, but ultimately, it’s like listening to a burning car wreck on Croatian.

“Look Good”
apparently only features him, which leads me this theorem:

“Any song that Blakka P appears in automatically becomes a giant noisy mess, and loses the priviledge of being called “Music””.

He also quotes Pac-Man with the occasional “Wakka wakka wakka”.

“African Girl” which also features him, cements my Theorem further, with being a giant mess of noises. It has literally no structure at all.

“Conversation” is about talking.

I’m not fucking kidding, it’s a fucking song about talking with other people and how it makes him “creative”.

Yes, creative in a genre which doesn’t do anything but puke out more shit about “hoes” and “gardening tools”.


Wow. Good Lord of the Dark Shores, why? Why did you do this you fucking moron? This song is simply awful, not only do you talk some utter incomprehensible dialect, you talk so fast noone sane would ever be able to get any of it.

Awful, simply awful.

“Invisible girl” actually has a poorly played Guitar in it.

And a Chorus, which sucks.

The most advance song so far, and yet it’s all wrong.

The recording quality is awful. The lyrics sounds like something SETI received. The chorus sounds like ten billion morons howling and the Guitar is played by a tone-deaf dead man.

“The Deal”
is about Blakka’s utter disregard for Business Management. And actually complains about how apparently he’s having an easy time getting a contract.

Impressively small ego there Mr. Sierra Leone.

“Take it away”, yes, please take it away, far away.

Preferable out somewhere around Jupiter, on fire.

“Not a Badman” is just as awful as the rest. It has no structure and simply noise.

The Lyrics are utterly absurd, where the sentence “I’m no badman” actually pops up.

No badman?

Why don’t I ever hear any fucking rap where you actually use REAL FUCKING ENGLISH? Instead of your stupid bullshit dialects and slang. Who the fuck cares about your stupid skin colour.


And for fucks sake, try to avoid using lyrics that look like something a twelve year old wrote.