Ever heard of EVE-Online? You probably have, unless you’re some oddball hermit living in seclusion in the mountains of the Caucasus, only coming down once every three years for the sole purpose of reading this website.
Hey Vladimir, what’s up?
Most fans of EVE will tell you it’s a open sandbox massive multi player online RPG, they’ll tell you it’s the single most magnificent MMORPG to hit the planet since Ultima Online.
And they are all utter fuckwits with no sense of anything.
Eve Online is a giant shitpile of a game, with horrible bugs and servers who appears to be powered by steam and happy thoughts.
But I’m not here to tell you about EVE, I’d rather not.
I’m here to tell you about this brilliant idea the developers of EVE got, it basically goes like this:
1. Some developer of something, gives player organisation phat loots.
2. Some other guy hacks some of the players that got phat lewts.
3. Everyone gets pissed off at developer.
4. Developer gets a slap over his fingers and nothing else, guy get’s banned.
5. To pacify it’s playerbase, the developers decided to make a community based advisory council.
That’s right.
They’re asking MMORPG fans to provided them with insight, MMORPG fans, the single-most retarded gamer sub-culture in existence, which isn’t some fuck up lunatics like soulbonders and shit.
That’s bound to fail isn’t it? Damn straight it is.
It’s name? The Council of Stellar Management.
It’s purpose? To boldly go where billions have gone before! To useless meetings and the clashes of gigantic egos!
Why? Because the fucking thing was elected by popular democracy, that’s right. Sure, CCP did a bit of weeding out and picked some 20-30 candidates in total, and then let the masses vote.
How they could possibly be so naive and think something like that could possibly work on the Internet, is a fucking wonder to me.
Basically, the elections went down to either A: Popularity or B: Organized voting blocks.
GoonSwarm, the Somethingawful forums alliance in the game, went with option B and got Darius JOHNSON and Bane Glorious.
Sure, Darius is the leader of Goonswarm, but hey, that’s a free playing sandboxing alliance chilling out in utterly lawless space, he deficiently knows what he’s talking about, same goes for Bane.
Then the uneducated masses elected this useless waste called Ankhesentapemkah. A carebear render advice on a game who have TWO selling points, SPACESHIPS and OPEN-PVP.
What a brilliant decision. Also, she’s a girl, so a sizeable majority of the voters placed their vote on her due to Vagina, not her fault though.
But the ultimate failure was this one, the election of Jade Constantine to the council. A man who tried the lawless areas of the game, and failed utterly, known for hiding himself behind HUUUUGE fucking walls of text.
Here’s a small taste of the horror:
As I fly Jade’s customised warship of choice through the chaos of border systems in Providence I know that elsewhere in the single universe capital vessels are dying in sieges and traps, battleship fleets are clashing for the ambition of their captains and leaders, blockade-running smugglers are taking the wealth of 0.0 back to the core markets for profit, religious zealots are clashing with their victims, traders are falling for scams and petty intrigues, and war profiteers are counting their profits while dreaming of plans to hurt their enemies a hundred systems away with complex schemes within schemes in this interconnected universe of bitter chance and endless possibility.
Ignoring the fact that smuggling has never been implemented, that the religious zealots in question are small and insignificant he’s it pretty much spot on with the rest.
He actually tried to annex more power to his silly Chairman position, that he got because he got more votes, thus bringing light to the biggest problem with democracy, voters are idiots.
He failed, utterly, mostly because people just point at this and said: “Organize meetings of the CSM
Moderate meetings
Delegate assignments where necessary
Summon Alternates when primary Representatives are unavailable”. And nothing else.
So yeah, drama drama drama.
But hey, it dwindled down, and the CSM get on it’s way of doing absolutely bugger all, and even managed to waste the subscribers money by going to fucking Iceland to talk to the developers in person.
I guess they never heard of video conferences.
And did Jade stop? NEVER!
Vandervecken Smith wrote: TBH, I expect once this happens that Hardin will run for Chair and be elected.
Jade Constantine wrote: Nah, Hardin’s too affiliated with the goons, – in all likelihood if there was a re-vote now it’d go to Serenity if anyone.
HippoKing wrote: Hardin is affiliated with us? We’re not even blue Confused
Jade Constantine wrote: I kinda mean he’s whispering sweet nothings to darius in meetings and giving bane virtual hand-jobs under the table – that sort of affiliated. Cool
He just keeps going in this Scrapheap Challenge thread with various extracts from both the EVE Online forums and other sources:
Jade Constantine wrote: Where things have gone wrong have been where I’ve made the mistake of allowing this council a little too much democracy
Also, White Knights!
Kaylana Syi wrote:
How many other people in the CSM wanted to wait for an official line from CCP before they made changing policies already established?You dumb goon faggot.
Hardin makes the single most magnificent post on this page:
And if that wasn’t enough idiocy we are going to get the ‘alternates’ issue on the agenda AGAIN, as Jade had decided to misinterpret the CSM document to have yet another crack at overturning the decision – which I am sure will be yet another excellent use of CSM time! I have no doubt he will be along shortly to justify this misinterpretation and tell you how awful we all are and how he can’t possibly manage such objectionable people as us.
Jade Constantine wrote:
Whereas you are a shrinking violet who never says boo to a goose. Seriously I think you should set your aspirations on something a little more attainable than gaining equality with adults though Very HappyMy advise to you is stop sulking, stop throwing your toys out of the pram and leave all the manipulative Goon politics to somebody less desperately concerned with their own evidently questionable masculinity. You might be a big man on the internets Darius but prepare to be laughed at quite a lot in Europe.
So yeah.
A horrible idea.
With horrible results.
Who could have foreseen such consequences?
Oh wait I know, ANYONE WITH A FUCKING BRAIN!