Posts Tagged ‘awesome’

Sins of a Solar Empire: Awesome

Friday, October 23rd, 2009

Sins of a Solar Empire, is an RTS video game developed by Ironclad Games and published by rogue video game/software developer/publisher Stardock.


It’s a Sci-Fi space warfare fame, with elements of old fashioned Empire-building, you build up your planets, asteroids and whatever else you can, build a giant fleet, and wreck all the cool shit your neighbours have.

The game itself isn’t revolutionary at it’s core, it’s basically Homeworld with an empire building part added in, instead of the Mothership, it does bring improvements to the genre, with it’s incredibly good graphics running on a very efficient gaming engine.

The game is not fast paced at all, nor is it suppose to be, you can build a capital ship early, you’re actually suppose to build one, and venture forth with it and a few smaller frigates, but ultimately, all you can do is wipe out the neutral defenders of a nearby asteroid and colonize it.

Later on, as your wealth and fleet size grows, you start wiping out the neutrals of actual planets, and colonizing them, with that, you’re economy real starts running.

The game has three resources, old fashioned cash, metal and crystal. Depending on the map and your luck, you usual end up with either crystal or metal as the largest one, with cash being a bit of an anomaly, as you usually make much more than anything else, due to the fact that everything costs quite a bit of cash and less metal/crystal.

You mine crystal and metal from mining operations on smaller asteroids internally in the systems, and can be reinforced with some stations you can put up. And you make money from taxes on planets and trade, both external and internal.


But enough about how you get your economy running, the real game is about giant fleet battles, your capital ships versus the enemies capital ships. With your support ships doing whatever they have to, with your fighters flying all over the place blowing crap up.

The game does have a few flaws, it takes time to play, depending on the size of the galaxy you play in and how many opponents you have, it can take anywhere from two hours to eight to perhaps even more.

It also completely lacks any sort of single player campaign at all, showing that this is an independently developed game, it does come with a fully functioning skirmish mode, heavily customizable.

The game has three factions, each with a different flavour, I’ll just shortly cover them:

Trader Emergency Coalition: Basically the classical humans, heavily armoured ships, ballistics, missiles and trading. They also make use of various sabotage techs and stealing money from their opponents.

The Unity: Religious cultural freaks, more concerned with spreading their culture and subverting enemies and rely more on lasers and fragile ships, heavily shielded though.

Vasari: Aliens, here to kill everyone, hunted by something evil, expensive and massively armoured ships and semi-static star-bases.


The game has a single micro-expansion this far, called Entrenchment, prior to this expansion, your static defence of your systems was limited to some hangar station and defensive guns, and a few support buildings.

With Entrenchment you get Star-bases, giant static (One semi-static) defensive installations, that really wrecks raiders and small invasion forces, thus making defensive game-play much more useful and valid.

It improved the game considerably.


Sins of a Solar Empire
is even getting another small expansion in close future called “Diplomacy”, improving the game even more.

So I’d personally warmly recommend Sins of a Solar Empire to any person who enjoyed Homeword 2, or any of the “Ages of Empires” games and spin-offs.

The game is well-made, well-supported and I look forward to whatever Ironclad makes next time.

No, I don’t know either

Sunday, October 4th, 2009

Whelp, pretty much all my cognitive operators are gone out the window today, so I can’t be bothered to write anything even remotely intelligent or interesting, so you’ll just have to do with absurdity and inane bullshit that makes absolutely no sense at all, or perhaps it will, I haven’t got a clue yet.

To be honest, nothing ever really happens on Sundays, there just a bunch of boring crap days that for reasons stupid religions are “free days”.

Why seven? Why 52 weeks? Why do I care? There really isn’t any reason at all.

Let’s randomly change subject into something else, like the massive problem with classical Danish humour, or as anyone outside the country would call it: “Fucking retarded toilet humour”. Apparently the older and more popular versions of Danish humour are primarily based on Dirch Passer talking VERY loudly, Linje 3 making horrible impressions and someone falling on his/her ass.

It’s odd, I know it’s pretty crap, but I still laugh my silly little head off, now Danish standup is pretty much the same as the rest of the western world, angry person screaming about shit he really loath, jokes and more jokes.

It’s fairly normal, even if a few do stand out a bit, like that guy who based his show on a fake apartment, wherein he was trying to come up with an idea for his show, it was a delight to watch, mostly because he’s a pretty deranged individual.

Still, makes it fairly easy to laugh as a Dane, as pretty much everything is funny, even a kitten being hit by a car at high speeds and slamming into an old lady, go ahead, try and find one out there, in the Aether.

People always forget just how awesome the Elder really are, don’t they? Really fucking old, seal the souls of their dead inside gems to prevent them from falling into the hands of Slanesh, who they created by the way.

They live in giant space cities and travel through the motherfucking webway! How cool is that? Fucking cool.

The reason why people think they are little cowards with giant schemes and wheels within wheels, plans within plans are because they are more hit and run, strike single target, let’s wait and see.

Can’t forget that they’ll betray you for any reason at all.

Ever mentioned a like the Bee Gees? Ever mentioned that anyone who doesn’t like the Bee Gees deserve to be shot in the face? Don’t think I have.

So fuck you haters.

Remember how I said Danes will laugh at the simplest forms of humour? See above, that’s apparently the absolute pinnacle of Danish popular humour.

Yes, you may feel pity for us, but then remember we are horrible racist and our present government would love to wipe out Christiana, the only thing we’re know for besides butter, bacon and racism.

Isn’t that awesome?

The Bee Gees are fucking awesome.

And on that closing note and bombshell: I hate you all.

Socialism is the coolest shit since the Wheel.

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009


Socialism is basically the coolest thing on the fucking planet, not hardcore Communism in a way that’ll make Stalin horny, nor the fake bullshit Hitler slammed onto his party to attract voters.

Nope, good old fashioned Socialism, the one where the general principal is that being so absurdly rich that you run the country, should result in a taxation rate of 405% and mockery from the rest of the populace.

We sure as hell don’t accept that our politicians receive literally millions from enormous thoroughly morally repugnant corporations, as “campaign contributions”, then again, most Socialist parties don’t believe in individual election campaigns.

It’s not about the individuals singular strengths, it’s about the Strength we develop as a whole, a combined people, Strength through Numbers.

Ahahahahaha, this is so wrong!

Remember, National Socialism isn’t actually Socialsm at all, it’s a fancy name for Hitler’s old party: Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei, which good Old Hitler just made up, to draw in votes. National Socialism is just another word for “Fascism”. It hasn’t got anything to do with Socialism as a whole.

socialismThis is Socialism explained!

Communism isn’t fucking Socialism either, they’re related, but only related the same way conservatism and reactionary is.

Communism is the doctrine of every one has equal worth, whereas Socialism is that everyone have equal rights, choice, opportunities and worth.

In a communist society, your worth is predetermined according to a general list designed by whatever Central Committee there is, and there isn’t anything you can do to change it, no matter how hard/bad you perform.

In a proper moderate Social-Democratic system, your performance will have an effect on your rewards, it’s just limited to something that isn’t absurd.

Like getting paid millions for driving your Bank into Bankruptcy, because long-term planing went straight out the window.


And you should always remember, that I’m from Scandinavia, we’re doing just fine in these days, even though the Liberal-Conservative right-wingers have had their periods of power, in Denmark thanks to the Racist Danish People’s Party, we’re a thoroughly Socialist society.

Everyone in Denmark are Social-Democrats, except the Social Democratic Party, which is probably why they are going down the drain.

And why the Socialist People’s Party is doing so awesomely good.

So as a conclusion, we’re doing better than the self-pronounced Capitalist societies, we’re happier, we’re healthier and we have a much lower rate of infant mortality.

And remember, the only ones who enjoy a Laissez Faire capitalist society are the ultra-rich, who will ruthless prevent anyone else from ever getting close to them.

Also, such societies will usually stagnate without some sort of external stimuli. If you’re more interested in that subject, go have a look up at the time the British Empire was being crushed industrially by the more restrictive governments of the 1890’s Germany and America.

So in closing. Socialism is awesome.

And we’re using the Red Rose as symbol these days you fucking yanks, not a damn Hammer and Sickle.

And Obama is fucking conservative you dimwits.

Public Healthcar? Socialism? Fuck yeah!

Monday, August 31st, 2009
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Back in Black – Health Care Reform
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political Humor Joke of the Day

Sometimes, the Good Guys Win.

Sunday, July 12th, 2009

This story ends well, I’m afraid. Credit it to the otherwise excellent group — all the other players were great and the DM was hands-down the best I’ve ever played with.

Shockingly enough, this story comes from a Vampire game. I’m going to use real names, except for the guy I’m talking about. Not because I’m being nice or anything, I’ve just forgotten it, so I’m just gonna call him douche. Because he was one.

So, we’re playing. It’s a group of like six people, plus Jesse, the DM. I’m a Ventrue who was in the mafia before he got turned, so he’s taken the transition to undeath pretty easily. I take a couple dots of Underworld to reflect the mafia thing. (This’ll all come into the story later, I promise.) Meanwhile, douche is playing a Lasombra and he specs out that shadow-manipulation discipline all to hell and back. In fact, he puts so many dots into it, and has so clearly played Lasombra minmaxed characters before, that battles quickly become trivial — if there’s a shadow in the room, douche is invulnerable and kills everybody. This is not very fun for the rest of us, who would like a challenge and also a chance to get some violence in ourselves. Resentments simmer.

He’s also a colossal jerk to everyone both in and out of character; his character is an arrogant jerk who just does whatever he wants and expects us to follow along, and in real life he’s even more obnoxious because he’s a scrawny little fuck and doesn’t have the threat of being unstoppable in combat to back up his imperiousness. He’s exactly the sort who takes out real grudges in-game, so I go to the GM privately and let him know I’m rigging up my apartment with special lightning designed very specifically that if I turn it on, there isn’t a single shadow in the entire apartment. (I’d later learn that most of the group, each one acting independently, had done the same thing. He was that min-maxed.)

So one day, we’re sent off to kill some elder or something, I don’t quite remember the details. I do remember, however, that a frontal attack on this guy’s haven would have been foolhardy, and eventually one of us gets the bright idea that with some explosives, we could do this. Slight problem: we don’t have any explosives. After mulling over other options, I suddenly realize that a mobster damn well ought to be able to get his hands on stuff that goes boom if he really wants to, and I’ve got those two dots in Underworld. I roll on the dots, attempting to find a contact, and I succeed. Hooray! My guy knows a guy, we get our explosives, the attack goes swimmingly. (Douche diablerizes the elder.)

Well. Our group has just learned that Underworld is a very goddamn useful skill to have; between us we’ve got enough wealth to get our hands on anything we need that money can buy, and now if we need something that money can’t buy… I make a call, and we buy it anyway. Since we’re getting such mileage out of it, I save up my experience points and build myself up to 4 dots in Underworld, telling the GM that I’ve used my contacts amongst the other Ventrue (who are, after all, power brokers) to get myself into position as a capo in my crime family. This is a good explanation; it’s a lot of power and it makes 5 dots appropriately impossible; to advance any farther I’d have to be the godfather.

Since the group is now leaning on my Underworld contacts to get us useful illegal things when we need them, I’ve become important to the group. To douche, this just will not do. He must be the best and most important at everything! So, one week, he brings his girlfriend Sara into the game. Wouldn’t you know it? He’s already already prepared her character sheet with her, complete with backstory — not only is she a Ventrue too, but she was the daughter the godfather from the very same mob family I’m a part of! Man, small world, right? I say “was”, however, because it’s also part of her backstory that upon being turned, she frenzied and killed her father.

The plan here is very obvious. She was the godfather’s daughter, the godfather’s dead, she’ll inherit the position, right? Disregarding the fact that the mafia does not work that way, it’s a gigantic douche move. He can’t handle me being good at something he’s not, so he’s brought in a new player who’s under his thumb who’s good at everything I am. I’ll be supplanted and he’ll be the most important and the best again. Meanwhile, I see a golden opportunity. I couldn’t advance while the godfather was alive, and I couldn’t kill him because Jesse, nobody’s fool, would surely have made sure I would have gone down for doing that and not gained the position, and it was equally impossible that he’d be kind enough to have some outside force kill him off for me. But now the godfather is dead and I had nothing to do with it. Perfect!

I take Sara aside and, after making clear that I’m talking in-character, threaten her pretty strongly. She’s just killed my boss, and I’m no fool — I know she’s planning to try and take control of the family. I inform her that’s not happening. The family would never accept a woman in charge, but her last name does command some respect and she’ll have some loyalists on her side in the coming power struggle. I tell her she’s got two choices; she can back my play for the top spot and I’ll promise her a position of some power in return, or I can shoot her dead right here and now because, after all, I’m overcome with grief that the godfather is no more and I was taking revenge on his killer. She agrees to back my play.

I then go to Jesse and tell him that I want that fifth dot. I tell him that I’ve gotten Sara’s backing for the infighting that I’m sure will erupt, and I’m well aware that he can’t make getting five dots in a skill easy for me, but I’m going for it. I tell him to figure out what hoops he wants to make me jump through and I’ll get the group to help me out — they’ve been enjoying the fruits of my Underworld dots and will surely help me get even more power there. He thinks about it, then strips all my monetary resources and my influence for the next three game sessions to represent me putting everything I’ve got into securing the position, and tells me I can buy the fifth dot. I end up the godfather and get to wield practically unlimited power.

One week later, before douche arrives, the rest of the group huddles up and decides that last week’s bullshit was the last straw. We compare our characters and decide which among us has the best chance in single combat against him (we’re doing it by the book so we don’t get any wrath from above for killing a coterie member). We decide that the Malkavian in the group does, so when douche arrives he is promptly challenged to single combat. The Malkav (I’ve forgotten his name too, sadly) wins. Douche’s shadowjerk is staked and drained.

One week after that, Sara dumps him and starts dating Jesse.

So while playing with that guy was undoubtedly the worst experience I ever had with role-playing, I can’t deny that it has a very happy ending. He brought his girlfriend in to undermine my power and make him the guy we all needed to rely on again, and ended up increasing my power, getting kicked out of the group, and losing the girlfriend. Not bad, huh?

CapnAndy did it pretty well eh?

Sarah Palin resigns!

Saturday, July 4th, 2009

Ding dong, the Wicked Alaskan Reactionary Witch is dead!

Or resigned, whatever. And sure, she resigns because she’s planing to run for the US Presidency in 2012, and you shouldn’t fear this.

That incompetent soccer mom doesn’t have a fucking chance in hell to get elected to anything beyond her stupid redneck frozen state.

Her ridiculous excuse? You’re gonna live it!

“People where mean to my son/me on the Internet!”.

Which is quite frankly the single most retarded and yet hilarious thing I’ve heard this month.

You may laugh.

So yeah, apparently it all started on some random crap website out in the Ether, and then picked up by the awful bastards of SomethingAwful.





Perhaps Alaska can seem just a little bit less stupid now. What the hell kinda woman actually wants her rights stripped away from her anyway?

So, SomethingAwful made her resign earlier to avoid any more attacks on her family. Yeah, not likely to happen Sarah, not while you think women should stay at home and take care of the kids, the eight of them, that is.

Fucking soccermoms.


World of Warcraft fucking sucks

Sunday, June 14th, 2009

So, want jokes do you Army of Darkness?

Want me to prance about like a fucking Medieval minstrel telling you the news? Bullshitting about dragons and fucking dungeons? Fine, I’ll joke until your pitiful little brains melt and pour into the streets of Liverpool.

Why Liverpool? Because I fucking like using the city’s name in an absolutely delightful manner.

According to my frail research, you are apparently some World of Warcraft Guild, and by Guild, I mean Anti-Weight Watchers “We hate our life” group.

According to my further research into your dark, dank and quite possibly fetishistic daily workings, your “Guild” has at least a decent amount of members, surprising that so many people can turn off their good taste to join a “Guild” with a name as overwhelmingly daft as “Army of Darkness”, yes, we all know the movie was a delightful spectacle of masculine meritocracy, but really.

“Army of Darkness”, should probably be “Army of Dorkness”, not the best joke, but really, do you deserve less than spite?

The answer, is of course, a resounding no, a no uttered with such an intensity, that the very skies above shattered into a thousands pieces of my lost dreams.

Your “Guild” is apparently quite old too, older than my entire website, well done, well done indeed. Not that it really matters, as activity here, on, has been forthcoming since oh, 2004 or something like that.

Go look it up on, I’ll wait.

Done being a bitch? Good.

Always wondered why EverQuest went with “Guild”, not really a guild now is it? A Guild was a sovereign association of Tradesmen, operating in Ye Olden Days.

Kinda like a prototype Union/Corporation. Nothing to do with random freaks running around in a silly videogame spending hours killing dragon number 423, “The One with the yellow Spots”.

Still, I played World of Warcraft, kinda lost interest ages ago. Grinding the same crap, using the same tired old ways, gets you in the end.

Ultimately, World of Warcraft does not suck, the title of this article is simply a way of getting YOUR attention, that’s right, YOU! The Unique Little Snowflake!

It’s fanbase is a different story, a very different story. Like how Sonic fans are furries, Harry Potter fans paedophiles and dreamers, like how Dota fans are insane and how fans of Insane Clown Posse hasn’t gotten the joke yet.

World of Warcraft’s main fanbase are utter and complete pillocks, idiots, morons, dimwits, racist, useless, fat, socially inept and simply plain and utterly horrible at life.


Oh wait, you don’t have one.

Iceburn, I suppose I must.

A message from the Leader of the Glorious Red Revolution

Sunday, November 23rd, 2008



A timeless classical trip to the past.

Wednesday, September 17th, 2008

Isn’t it a sweet delight? Oh yeah, unfortunately the first one was lost.