Archive for the ‘What?’ Category

A New Bewilderingly named Danish Band

Thursday, October 8th, 2009

Well, this is without doubt the most peculiar little band that could, I’ve encountered this month.

It’s The Asteroids Galaxy Tour, spawned from the same abyssal pit that spawned Aqua, and blasphemous cartoons, It’s Denmark everyone!

The first song they have on their Myspace is called “The Golden Age”, and is actually genuinely good, apparently the Statement of this band, or Artisan Commune, Or Pretentious Bullshit Collective, is Retro.

And “Golden Age” is absolutely without a doubt retro, but fuck if I can figure out just how retro it is, or where it’s time travel destination is, the deliberate sound overlay that makes it sound like it comes from the late forties are really the only clue I can find.

Afraid I’m not a musical historian.

“The Sun Ain’t Shining No More” sounds like it’s coming from an “Austin Powers” movie, so the sixties it is. It’s actually pretty good, the lead singer does have an unusual voice, mostly because it’s actually her voice and not the voice of a talentless American hack transformed through a synthesizers to sound like Microsoft BOB.

It’s lyrics are fairly good, and it’s actually music, and not just noise and some twit talking with an odd rhythm, fucking R’n’B.

“Around the bend” is yet another retro song, which, in case your thicker than eighteen billion kilometres of lard, is the fucking gimmick on the band.

It’s well executed, well written and genuinely good, I actually like this one a fair bit, it has a decent rhythm in it, a bit to repetitive, but that’s unfortunately a norm in these days.

“Hero” gets on my bad side, mostly because I really fucking hate the old genre they’ve decided to conjure up, through ritualized sacrifice to Odin, from the depths of time.

It’s also a sample, luck I just happen to have the CD eh? It’s a slow, easy-going song, it bores me to tears, but I can imagine that some people would enjoy it.

Either because all fashion goes in a never-ending circle, or because you where young when this crap was “in the in”.

“Bad Fever” has a familiar sound, late eighties, early nineties? Probably, makes me feel fucking old as hell.

Could be the sixties again for all I know, as I’ve already pointed out, fashion often recycles old crap, because people have really bad memories.

Myspace has delivered all it could, let’s look at the CD I’ve gotten my hand on.

The first track is “Lady Jesus”, and holy fuck on my hat on fire, I fucking loath it from the deep dark burning core of my foul soul.

Feels good to know, that I’m not growing soft. Unfortunately the “Acid” style rarely works very well, it’s simply to fucking noise to enjoy any of it’s elements.

The Third track, seeing as a simply skip the ones they have to their Myspace, “Push the envelope” suffers from the same problem as the first one, it’s style is simply shit, hateful shit even.

“Satellite” sounds like the Beatles.

I don’t like the Beatles.

“Crazy”, I haven’t got a clue. It’s not bad, not to good either, but compared to most of the crap there’s out there, it’s as pure as the Golden Tears of Freya.

“Sunshine cooling” is pretty good, kinda a good song for a hot summer day, young people dancing on some open scene in some little park.

And that’s it. If you like the songs you heard on the Myspace, it’s probably worth it picking up the physical or eletronic CD/Whatever the fuck you call it when you buy it on Itunes you filthy consumerist whore.

No, I don’t know either

Sunday, October 4th, 2009

Whelp, pretty much all my cognitive operators are gone out the window today, so I can’t be bothered to write anything even remotely intelligent or interesting, so you’ll just have to do with absurdity and inane bullshit that makes absolutely no sense at all, or perhaps it will, I haven’t got a clue yet.

To be honest, nothing ever really happens on Sundays, there just a bunch of boring crap days that for reasons stupid religions are “free days”.

Why seven? Why 52 weeks? Why do I care? There really isn’t any reason at all.

Let’s randomly change subject into something else, like the massive problem with classical Danish humour, or as anyone outside the country would call it: “Fucking retarded toilet humour”. Apparently the older and more popular versions of Danish humour are primarily based on Dirch Passer talking VERY loudly, Linje 3 making horrible impressions and someone falling on his/her ass.

It’s odd, I know it’s pretty crap, but I still laugh my silly little head off, now Danish standup is pretty much the same as the rest of the western world, angry person screaming about shit he really loath, jokes and more jokes.

It’s fairly normal, even if a few do stand out a bit, like that guy who based his show on a fake apartment, wherein he was trying to come up with an idea for his show, it was a delight to watch, mostly because he’s a pretty deranged individual.

Still, makes it fairly easy to laugh as a Dane, as pretty much everything is funny, even a kitten being hit by a car at high speeds and slamming into an old lady, go ahead, try and find one out there, in the Aether.

People always forget just how awesome the Elder really are, don’t they? Really fucking old, seal the souls of their dead inside gems to prevent them from falling into the hands of Slanesh, who they created by the way.

They live in giant space cities and travel through the motherfucking webway! How cool is that? Fucking cool.

The reason why people think they are little cowards with giant schemes and wheels within wheels, plans within plans are because they are more hit and run, strike single target, let’s wait and see.

Can’t forget that they’ll betray you for any reason at all.

Ever mentioned a like the Bee Gees? Ever mentioned that anyone who doesn’t like the Bee Gees deserve to be shot in the face? Don’t think I have.

So fuck you haters.

Remember how I said Danes will laugh at the simplest forms of humour? See above, that’s apparently the absolute pinnacle of Danish popular humour.

Yes, you may feel pity for us, but then remember we are horrible racist and our present government would love to wipe out Christiana, the only thing we’re know for besides butter, bacon and racism.

Isn’t that awesome?

The Bee Gees are fucking awesome.

And on that closing note and bombshell: I hate you all.