Let's do this chronologically, as in, let's do this from the start to the end of a standard gaming experience:
The Launcher, and I really haven't got a clue why it has to exist, is a horrible buggy piece of shit, it keeps wanting to patch every freaking time I fire it up, and it often takes an age to even do anything.
Completely useless crap, that should only exist if it works absolutely perfect, and without loading screens, you dimwits.
In case you are unaware, Champions Online is a Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game, also know as an MMORPG or an mumorpuger
It's been spat out from City of Heroes/Villains Developer Cryptic Studios, and does suffer from many of the issues of those two old shit games, it does solve their one biggest issue:
Not all missions happen in warehouses, caves and ancient cities that all look the fucking same.
And the engine doesn't make my computer want to murder itself, which is impressive, because City of Villains is roughly a billion years old.
I blame PhysX.
But onwards to the actual game, rather than me complaining about silly launchers and poor patching servers.
It's basically a game where you get to pretend your Wolverine, Iron Man or Superman, beating the shit out of evil where ever it comes.
It's just City of Heroes in a new sparkling slightly less ugly version, even by the same damn company.
We start off with the Character Creation process, which is so mindbogglingly large its beyond absurdity and well into idiotic, using it you'll create your own personal spandex clad imaginary friend, in just about any way.
From the size of her breasts (Oddly enough set to full on most of the basic templates) to the blue screaming neon beard and to your biggest dream, if you're a filthy sexual deviant, a fox tail.
Which bring us to a big one, furries, a lot of them, holy shit, are there ever many of these little freaks, running around, thinking they are acceptable and creative.
Little do they now, they are nought but little horrors spawning forth from their horrid little sub-culture.
Generally, you're going to see a lot of freaks and copyright violations, becasue they are an easy escape from being creative and fun.
And sorry "Foxy", you're about as origianl as "Legolaths" in World of Warcraft.
The game's biggest strength is really the character creator, it's really the defining part, in a game about guys and girls in silly spandex jumpsuits, and it's probably the most extensive in this generation of MMOs, only surpassed by it's defacto predecessor City of Heroes/Villains, and that's only because of the standard "More shit for you to get your hands on" that keeps MMOs running.
Unfortunately, the rest of the game suffers from some pretty bad flaws.
The global instanced server, may be cheaper and more convenient, but dear Zeus is there lag, so much fucking lag.
Which is a pretty fucking huge problem, when a shit ton of the games powers and abilities needed some from of quick-time event to function at full efficiency, either holding down the button/mouse key or timing the hold on, or simply turning your shoulder mounted mini-gun off whenever your target looks like a piece of cheese.
Hell, even the wonderful travel powers, in some cases, need a reasonable low ping, especially the teleport one, which functions by moving you out of the "world" and then let you move and fly really fast, and then slam you back in, with a slow falling effect in case you're up high.
You can probably imagine what happens when lags fucks it all up right? Let me just describe it for those lesser lights of you: You fall, very hard, very long and very painful.
So if you live in the wrong continent, and/or doesn't have a connection worthy of Sweden, though fucking luck.
And remember, it only works in Eve Online, because it's basically turn-based, you target your enemy, specify speed and manoeuvre and fire away.
It doesn't really work for anything that actually needs you to do other than "Target A and blow it up before it blows you up."
Which, anything but elegantly, brings me to loading times, and oh boy, they are long, malevolently long, when considering the size of the area loaded.
I think one of the latests patches may have screwed something horribly up, the loading time sure wasn't this long a few days ago.
Isn't that fun when it happens?
The core gameplay is basically the same as City of Heroes/Villains, with a few slight improvements, I'm not seeing nearly as much copy-pasting in the missions (Quests) you're being sent out to do, that's a large improvement.
It's still just, find criminals on rooftops, beat them senseless, profit.
Why so many gang-members and terrorists and demons and zombies and mechanical cowboys hang around on roof-tops are a bit of a wonder to me, especially as a few of the travel powers sure as crap wont be going there.
So realism is right out of the window here, there's probably more realism in World of Warcraft, a game with elves and exploding goblins.
At least they have corrupt governments, that's a load of realism right there.
Unfortunately, this review just wont be any longer, the recent patch presented the greatest threat to Champions Online: Cryptic Studios and their lovely incompetence.
An unpolished gem it sure isn't, more like a polished piece of Anthracite Coal .
Valuable, action-packed and yet, still a piece of fucking coal.
However, with enough pressure, maybe a diamond will emerge, a small diamond, but a diamond nonetheless.
