How to summon Thunderstorms.:
In order to summon a proper Thunderstorm, you need the following items:
Two tears of a mandarin duck, three if male.
Four hairs from a goat’s beard, seven if female, eight if pregnant.
Seven tails of a virgin horse’s hair, nineteen if on fire.
Toenail clippings from a cat, captured in a back alley in Istanbul, approximately seventeen gram, nineteen if male, and twenty-one if on a Wednesday, regardless of gender.
Proceed with a full pulverization of the ingredients, separately, if done during the spring, use Italian olive oil in the process.
Bring seventeen litres of water, from an Icelandic glacier, to a full boil, mix the gathered items together with a gentle hand, if on a Friday, avoid using timber to induce the boil.
Please be advised that all these operations should be conducted during a normal weather situation, with normal pressure and during a full moon.
After seventeen minutes and 42 seconds, remove from heat source, and apply in a triangular shape, at the centre of the desired location of event.
