Motherwell is a miserable suburban nightmare, the kind architects and city-planers have dreams about after eating pizzas with too much cheese.

Created by the industrial boom of Glasgow, build on the dirty remains of the coal industry, literally, the damn place is build on top of the old slag heaps of the steel mills.

A suburb with more churches than petrol stations, the roads falling into disrepair and the buses relics from the Dark Age of Thatcher.

Most of the houses resemble something from a post-apocalyptic movie, you automatically keep your eyes open for zombies and mutants, hell, Mad Max is hiding just around the corner.

There are a few notable exceptions, mostly the churches and the well-off and of course, the rare few who’ve realized that keeping your house and garden reasonably presentable, creates and air of a decent neighbourhood, instead of Shittown-upon-Tweed.

Just two decades ago, the air was black with the pollutants of the great furnaces at the Ravenscraig Steel Mill.

The town was haunted by the sound of this spectacle of industrialism, until British Steel decided its termination. On the ruins of this symbol of the uneducated worker, a university is being built, a black hole of ignorance, replaced by a dedication to science and the pursuit of knowledge.

Fuck, this suburban hell-hole sucks; it’s like a ghetto, just with Scots and without any sort of culture or merit.

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