Due to my obvious lack of creative thought and my superiority complex, I’ll just review some more random crap bands I’ve pulled from the ever-consuming Vortex of Horror called Myspace.
Unlike the previous few reviews I’ve made, I haven’t actually gotten any messages from any of these, but due to boredom and being slightly angry, I’ve decided to simply review them anyway.
Thank Lenin’s Ghost for Free Speech!
So without further ado, I give to you: GINGER KINISON! “SLU IT UP BITCHES! LOVE YOU’S!!!”
Whit a tagline like that, how can you go wrong? Oh, trust me, you have no idea.
We start out with Sugar Shake: Fucking hell! This is horrible! I hope noone hears me play this shit, it sounds like someone shit themselves and then wrote a song about it.
The Intro does remind me of the songs from first Dune RTS, I’ll give her a single point for that, to bad the rest of the eighteen billion trillion points gets flushed down into the Mariana Trench and consumed by Cthulhu.
Also, the recording itself sucks, it’s like listening to an AM radio in a hurricane.
Let’s move on to Tetch: Yeah. Horrible. No actual music, just the endless repeat of some random “beats” or whatever the fuck people call it today.
Also, her voice is so generically boring it hurts.
Apparently she’s singing about how she wants people to lick her genitalia, oh joy of joys, let’s talk about SEX! WHORES! PORNOGRAPHY! YAY!
Sucks, moving on:
Hangin’ with Buzz has the intro of a completely normal songs. The music isn’t the worst in the world. To bad the lyrics are worse than Heinrich Himmler’s aftershave.
Apparently she likes big men with little to say in the intellectual department. Delightful, way to go equality between the sexes.
The Suffragettes are dead! Long live the Suffragettes!
Onwards to the “Dark Side of the Night”. Hey, the intro sounds like a bit of soft rock, it is utterly and totally generic, so NO! FUCK OFF! Also, her voice is shit.
And it’s about sex again, yay.
….
The name of the last song, the fuck! Slink’n! What the flying thunderdome assrape does that even mean? Fuck this shit, next damn band.
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Not sure of this is actually a band or an actually Record Company, judging from their response to me making fun of mass-send messages to people from the other side of the freaking planet, I’d say band, from the name Riffin Records, I’ll say Record Company.
o shit! thats too bad u feel that way, b/c we felt you were so special that we were going to fly you in! PLEASE COME!!!
asshole…sod off this
—————– Original Message —————–
From: RagnarokZ
Date: Nov 14, 2007 11:58 PMHOLY SHIT!
Five minutes of the most amazing pain imaginable?
Oh snap! I might just buy a plane ticket and fly over to you.
FROM FUCKING EUROPE!
Sod off.
I present the evidence, and move on to the musical samples they have placed for out suicidal pleasures.
No One Remix is just a plain Hip Hop-rap hybrid of suck. Hey, so is “Girlfriend”, awesome. And “Peep Show”, which is pretty much utterly Rap.
Wow, three of them have pretty much been the same generic crap, this’ll be a short review.
Hi “Pretend”, you are the same thing as the rest, fuck off.
“A Better Me”, at least starts out with a piano, to bad it goes to Rap crap faster than Bush bombs a country.
“2 LiL GiRLs”, ARGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!! Cover of a decent song, turned into crap. FUUUUUUUUUCK YOU!
NEXT FUCKING BAND!
Last one up is Cassandra Sterling.
Yeah, the music in “Dragonfly” is actually pretty good, reminds me of electronica from the eighties. To bad her voice is so utter shit it fucking hurts.
“What U Want”, yeah, the song is pretty generic, and her voice still sucks. I mean, all she has going is the fact that she’s pretty good looking.
I foresee a great career for her, due to that simple fact.
Fortunately, she only has three songs up, the next one is called “Don’t get me wrong”, once again, the music is decent enough. And oddly enough, her voice doesn’t sound like utter crap.
To bad the song is pretty repetitive. Listening to the same thing again and again and again, sucks.
Of the three bands/Singers I just covered Cassandra Sterling definetely comes out at the top. Unfortunately for her, she comes at the top, after fighting her way past to terminally retarded donkeys.
And she still sucks.
All of them sucked horribly.
Why the fuck is there so many damn Rap/R’n’B/Hip-Hop singers on Myspace? Someone send me a link to a heavy metal band or a classical musician, SOMETHING! PLEASE!