The Freakishly odd races of World of Warcraft.

World of Warcraft has six playable races, and most of them are almost painfully stereotypical, two kinds of elves, standard humans, standard dwarves, gnomes, bloodthirsty orcs and trolls.

The slightly more original ones are the Draenei, who are some sort of proto-demons or something, a bunch of rebel undead, the tauren and that’s pretty much it.

As most people know, there are two sides in World of Warcraft, the Alliance and the Horde; each is equally useless and corrupted.

The Alliance is an old lose confederacy of the Humans of Stormwind, Stromgarde and the last remnants of Lordaeron, the Night elves, the Dwarves of Ironforge, the Gnomes and the Draenei.

The Horde is basically divided into two, one is the New Orcish Horde, the Tauren and the trolls of the Darkspear tribe, and the other is the Blood Elves and the Forsaken undead.

I’ll just start out with the most stereotypical race:

The Humans:

The Humans are really a rather bland race, except for their hatred towards the orcs and the undead; they really are a rather adaptable kind. The have very few actually stereotypes, which is in itself a stereotype, as humans never have any in RPGs.

The Humans of Stormwind does however have it tough; Stormwind was destroyed by the orcs during the First War, and was rebuilt after the Second War, using the services of a Stonemasons Guild that was never paid due to corrupt nobles.

Which is really the biggest problem Stormwind has, corrupt nobles, no fucking wonder Westfall turned into an Anarcho-Syndicalist commune.

Also, the fact that the King of Stormwind has been kidnapped or something, has caused his FIVE year old son to be placed in control, which he can’t, because he is a FIVE year old kid.

So some Highlord and some Lady, who is really a giant black dragon, is now ruling as regents, badly.

Seriously, half the bloody Kingdom is falling apart, because someone, somewhere, makes a mess of proper troop deployment to the regions who need them.

The only actually Human nation who is doing pretty decent, is Theramore, the exodus community that fled the Scourge in Lordaeron, ruled by some sorceress or something, a pretty bitchin’ place, with very little troubles, or anything for that matter, had some problems with some old xenophobic guy attacking orcs at some stage.

The Dwarves:

The Dwarves are fairly stereotypical really, the drink, have a vague Scottish accent, live in the mountains, mine a lot, underground cities, tend to hold a grudge.

The World of Warcraft Dwarves is basically a watered down version of Warhammer’s dwarves.

The dwarves are separated into three branches, the evil Dark Iron ones living inside a giant volcano and in a deep fucking hole in the ground, worshipping some giant fire guy with a funky name, the Bronzebeard Clan, which is the ones you pretty much play, who are really just normal dwarves living in either underground or partly underground cities, the last ones are the Wildhammer Clan, who are actually fairly original, but only a little.

The Wildhammer travelled north during some old War of Succession, and settled in a new bunch of mountains near a sizeable marshland area. Then the Dark Iron came by, and cast some awful spell, the Wildhammer won, saw that their place was corrupted, went north, settle in some highlands, made friend with fucking GRYPHONS!

They are now nature hugging weaklings.

The Gnomes:

The Gnomes are easy: Technocrats.

That’s basically it, they love technology, and their city, who the lost, was powered by a nuclear reactor or something, which they released into the city to kill some underground invaders or something, they where betrayed by some random jerk, ran to the dwarves.

That’s it.

The Tauren:

While we are at it, let’s cover the other easy one, the Cows, seriously, is this a joke? Giant fucking Minotaurs? I’m not wasting my time on a bunch of fucking hippie cows, fuck off.

The Forsaken:

The rebel undead, rebelling against their evil dark lord, and at the same time, working on KILLING EVERYTHING ELSE! What the hell?

You rebel against someone who wants to kill everything, and then you carry on his work in your own name?

No fucking wonder no one likes you, fucking cry-baby losers.

The Trolls of Darkspear:

The Trolls are actually pretty fuckin’ bitchin’, they speak with a Jamaica accent, they are pretty laid back, and they are generally pretty decent.

This Tribe actually joined up with the Horde because the Orcish Warchief saved them, or something.

Whatever he did, it was good, and now the Trolls of the Darkspear Tribe chill with their Orcish brothers and sisters.

Night Elves and Blood Elves:

The Elves.

The Night Elves are the Alliance elves, they are ultra-environmentalist traditionalist who hates the Orcs for killing their demi-god, hates the Forsaken for being undead, the trolls for being ancient enemies, doesn’t give a fuck about the Tauren and hates the Blood Elves for being a bunch of magic addicts.

The Blood Elves are the horde elves, they are ultra-hedonistic magically addicted freaks, who long for either the return of their big magic battery or to go back to their prince, who has gone insane and now pretend he’s an eagle most of the time, or to just not turn into a horrid magic addicted creatures.

The Orcs:

The orcs are formerly a demon infected race of bloodthirsty warmongering lunatics, and prior to that, they where a slightly less warmongering bunch of shamanistic
Pagans, they are the primary race of the Horde, and everyone loves them.

Also, they have the coolest leader, the Warchief Thrall, Son of Durotan, who is simply pure and unrestrictedly awesome, no questions asked, no quarrel given.

And to end the game:

The Draenei:

This is possibly the single most original thing, in a game that is build on ripping everyone else off.

The Draenei are a bunch of religious zealots on service of the Light, personified in the presence of several giant floating letters, make me feel like I’m looking at fucking Prince when I see them.

They are apparently proto-demons or something, fuck it, I don’t care.

Fuck this shit!

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