Archive for July, 2007

The Battle of the Eight.

Sunday, July 29th, 2007

The Battle for Bouvet Island’s secrets.

A common misconception is that the Battle of the Eight actually involved all eight fleets and expeditions present, however, several of the fleets where not actually fitted for combat, the Nipponese Envoy’s fleet considered of only three ships, all of whom only carried basic weapons to fight of the common pirates, whereas the English Expeditionary Fleet considered of fifteen Ships-of-the-line, fully prepared for both combat and exploration.

Due to that fact, the early negotiations quickly saw the distancing of the Japanese, the Compact Fleet and the Dutch, as neither of their expeditions had any mayor offensive armament.

That left the English, Spanish, Zulu, Roman Imperial and the League fleets to contest about the Island.

Following is the details of the separate fleets:

The English Expeditionary Fleet:

Fifteen Ships-of-the-line:
Six Man-of-War.
Six Frigates.
Three Armed Merchant Marines.

The Spanish Royal Fleet:

Eight Ships-of-the-line:
Four Man-of-War.
Four Frigates.

The Zulu Exploratory Fleet:

Twelve Ships-of-the-line:
Six Man-of-War.
Four Frigates.
One Troop Transport.
One Armed Exploration vessel.

The Roman Imperial Marine:

Seven Ships-of-the-line:
Three Man-of-War.
Three Frigates.
One Troop transport.

The League of Free Traders and Merchants:

Five Ships-of-the-line:
Four Man-of-War
One Experimental Ironclad.

The Navies where not evenly matched, but several of them had advantages against the others, the battle was drawn.

The Battle began in the early hours of the 17th of March 1724, with clear weather and naught but the birds and a few whales as witnesses, except for the three expeditions who did not participate in the battle.

The First Skirmish started with a standard manoeuvre from the Roman Imperials, who using their usual methods, engaged the Spanish Navy by quite simply sailing directly into their opponents ships trying to either ram or board the hostile vessels, except the Troop transport, who made use of it’s superior speed to get around the enemy lines and engage one of the Spanish Man-Of-War, one of the Spanish Frigates who hadn’t gotten into position did try and intercept the Roman ship, but could not catch up with the vastly faster vessel.

The end result was an almost total tactical defeat for both sides of the engagement, as the Roman Imperials simply lost to many men to operate their ships, and the Spanish simply lost their Man-of-War to the Roman boarding actions, thus effectively rendering both of the combatants out of the battle for Bouvet.

The Second Skirmish started only fifteen minutes after the end of the first, when the English and Zulu forces clashed together, the English commander, an Admiral Lord Grünenberger, who got his position exclusively thanks to his connections and title, proved to be an utterly incompetent commander, and simply groups his ships together in a largely useless group and ordered them to “Fire on the enemy, surely we can win by simply throwing enough cannon balls at them”.

The Zulu commander, where not appointed due his blood or family, he was a good and solid officer who had worked his way to the top, of the old English families from the Cape area, he admitted a sudden level of irony in that he, an person of English blood, commanding a Zulu fleet, would engage a German noble commanding an English fleet.

Grand Admiral Benjamin Sanders performed an almost flawless edition of the old “crossing the T” manoeuvre, thus decimating the vast majority of the English fleet.

Only three English frigates managed to escape the battle, the rest of the proud English Navy was sent to sleep with Poseidon, the Zulu Fleet lost a single Man-of-War.

A final player remained; the illusive League ships had maintained their distance from the Anglo-Zulu engagement, waiting the result of the engagement.

An as the Zulu force regroup, their numbers still superior to the League fleet, the third and final part of the Battle for Bouvet Island began.

The Third Skirmish began with long-range bombardments from the League vessels, using long-range mortars; the League commanders also placed their most powerful ships, the experimental ironclad “LS Unfathomable”, as the lead ship.

The League had no frigates or any other support vessels at their disposal, however, the vastly superior firepower did manage to eliminate three of the Zulu frigates before the Zulu even came in range with their own guns, and severely damage most of the remaining fleet.

The Zulu fleet did, however, manage to execute a perfect pincer move, and managed to severely damage on of the League battleships, whereas the lone troop transport managed to board and neutralize an enemy ship.

Thus rendering the League fleet severely crippled, the lead ship sent out the disengagement signal and quickly withdrew.

The way was now opened for the Zulu to occupy the island they had originally discovered, in a gesture of peace, they invited the withdrawn expeditions of the Compact and the Nipponese envoys to participate in the exploration of the mysterious city.

When the Dutch ships approached the island, the Zulu simply opened fire, having not forgotten the Dutch treachery that resulted in the battle.

Thus ends the Battle for Bouvet Island, join me again tomorrow, for the final feature, the Lost City of Bouvet Island.


Bouvet Island.

Saturday, July 28th, 2007

The Story of the Island of Ice.
Bouvet Island is in itself not anything spectacular; it’s a sub-Antarctic island, mostly covered in ice and glacierfication.

However, the early years of the 18th Century, explorers from the Zulu nation discovered an ancient city on the northern part of the island, the city was dug into the bedrock of the island, thus protecting it from the ice and the oceans ferocity.

The brave Zulu explorers where unable to approach the city itself due a hurricane, a common thing at these latitudes, and where forced to simply make sketches and mark the position of the island on their maps, before they had to turn their ship around and head back towards the Zulu homelands.

Due to the presence of a Dutch spy in the Zulu harbour of Cape Town, who notably was reconquered by the Zulu from the English in 1632, the maps and sketches where stolen from the Zulu Exploration Navy and later sold to several European, African and Asian nations, all of them where most interested in the apparently lost city in the distant south, some from a purely economical perspective, such a city might just contain treasures, others from archeologically or prestige perspectives.

None of them want anyone else to get their hands on the island, or the secrets hidden deep within its bedrock.

And as an unknown Zulu officer put it well all those many years ago: “Magnificent godforsaken little shitty island, so far to the South, not even the Dark Gods care.”

Nonetheless, many of the great nations of the world send off each their separate expeditions and fleets with the sole purpose of aquiring the city’s secrets, and as Lord Anderson said so well: “It doesn’t matter what’s in the damn city, it could be empty, just the fact that we have control of it would be prestigious enough, anything else is simply a bonus.”

So off the set, only eight of the great expeditions actually made their way to Bouvet Island, the rest either failed, suffred to many casualties to carry on or was simply lost underway.

The eight Fleets who made it belonged to the following nations and a single organization:

The English Expeditionary Fleet.
The Zulu Exploratory Fleet.
The Dutch Mercantile Navy.
The Compact Special Expedition.
The Imperial Nipponese Envoys.
The League of Free Merchants and Traders.
The Roman Imperial Marine.
And finally, the Spanish Royal Fleet.

The Scene was now set, the island was in sight, and so where the eight great navies.

We shall continue tomorrow, with the Battle for Bouvet Island, and the results and consequences.

Thank you.


Litany of Truth.

Saturday, July 28th, 2007












Litany of Truth, Book of Leo August.

The Future has come to us.

Thursday, July 26th, 2007

Speech by Leo August, given to the Philosophia Academia Byzans 23rd of March 1656.

“My friends, my fellow sons and daughters of learning, I speak to you on this most grave of hours.”

“Out way of life is threatened, out very existence at a risk, our loves are in danger, we are hunted by the foul hand of the Roman Inquisition, whose masters want naught but the total ignorance of all our kind.”

“Many of the great masters have already been lost, Philip Larsson, the great biologist, who’s work with the wildlife of his ancestral homelands, where killed when he visited the University of Paris, Lord Hufton, the magnificent polymath and engineer, who’s great aqueducts and laws of Gravity, dead, by the foul poisons of our great enemy.”

“Lady De Saíncalir, the great painter and poet, raped, burned, mutilated, never again shall her great creativity and personality grace us again.”

“So many other have been lost, their voices forever silent, even I have been attack, avoiding death several times, we must resist this, we must fight!”

“The future has come to us, we must grab it, wield it like a weapon, and we must NEVER, NEVER allow the foul agents of Ignorance to claim it from us, WE are the future my friends, and we shall stand before this ocean of ignoramuses and troglodytes.”

“We have lost Grandmaster Sokrates the fifth, descendant of the ancient philosopher, who’s bloodline is now all but gone, only a last son, who I have arranged to be sent to the distant south, in the African nations he will be safe.”

“This is a disaster of unimaginable magnitude, and although we are wise, we cannot fight back with strength of arms, for we have no armies, no soldiers.”

“I suggest you all flee, abandon the great Academy here in Byzantium, flee to the North into the great Scandinavian kingdoms and the Finnish Republic, there you will be safe, flee to Africa, to Arabia, by Hades, flee to the distant Eastern lands.”

“It matters not where, but run you must, exile is our only option, for death now faces us even here, the Byzantine Emperor has done all he can, but the great Crusade called against him, now make it all but impossible for him to continue to support him.”

“So we must leave our hallow halls, where great Philosphers, Artists, Engineers and Masters of Logic has walked since it’s founding, neigh two millennia ago.”

“I have no more words, for words are now meaningless, words cannot describe the pain we all must feel by now, so I leave you with these words my friends.”

“Everything for the People, the People for the Everything.”

“Good luck.”

Master Leo August never made it into exile, as he was killed in Rabat, before he managed to make his way to the University of Timbuktu, where he would have been safe, many of his peers did manage to get to safer areas, and most of their knowledge was not lost.

The Great Purge did however throw most of Southern and Western Europe into a regular dark age of Ignorance, it did however also spawn a new age of Learning in Northern Europe and Africa.

Thank you for your time.


The Compact of Pagan Nations.

Wednesday, July 25th, 2007

History in the making.

The Pagan Republic of Finland and the Confederation of Free American Nations founded the Compact of Pagan Nations on The 23rd of March 1623, as a response to the Holy Christian League of Nations and the Pan-Asiatic Alliance.

Among the first non-founding nations to join the new Compact was the Great Federal Republic of Ghana, later the birthplace of renowned war hero Tut-Al’Kahazam, followed rapidly by most of the other pagan nations of Africa, which at this time was pretty much every African nation, except of the Buddhist Empire of Ethiopia who remained utterly neutral as usual.

The Compact’s primary purpose was for cultural and technological exchange, unlike it’s Asiatic and European counterparts who’s primary purpose was defence against exterior threats.

The Compact also functions as a International Forum for the Pagan religions, just as the Vatican functions as a dictatorial controlling agency for the Christian Religions that still listens to them.

The first conflict between the Compact and it’s counterparts, was an undeclared war against the League in 1636, where the Confederation and the Roman Empire fought several naval engagements and a single land battle over the cause of eighteen months.

The land battle itself, near the city of Accomack, resulted in a through defeat of the Spanish forces, as Powhattan Republican militias used their knowledge of the terrain to their advantage.

The Compacts diplomacy managed to end the conflict shortly after this utter defeat at the hand of the Confederacy’s forces, they also managed to reinforce Finland’s positions against the Orthodox Republic of Kiev, who couldn’t rely on League military assistance in any conflict they would make against the Finnish people.

Let us know read an excerpt from “The Rise of Powhattan” by Dr. PhD. Carlos Rainwatcher, concerning the battle near Accomack, this is a story told by an eyewitness, a Liya Skyridder.

“It was raining, and I could hear the Spanish brutes marching towards the city, just as easy as the hawk would hear a rabbit in the undergrowth.”

“Leader Surefoot’s plan to herd the Spanish fools towards out traps where proceeding as planned, how predictable are these Europeans, only our Finnish friends in their distant lands are worth anything.”

“But wait! What’s that, I see? A cannon? The fools actually dragged a cannon all the way into the forest? Hahaha, how utterly perfect.”

“We shall capture it, and use it against them, let them face their own arrogance as we sink their ships with their own cannons, praise the Ancestor Spirits, we shall laugh in the irony of our enemies demise.”

“I must run with the wind to report this to the Leaders, they will be as delight as I was.”

And here we leave Skyridder’s story alone, and focus on the speech hold by General Alexander Santiago when his army landed near the site of the battle, this speech is taken from the Archives of the Spanish Army, Barcelona.

“Soldiers of Spain!”

“The King has willed us to these distant shores to teach these heretical animals a lesson in good Christian behaviour.”

“We shall destroy them utterly in the name of God and the King.”

“We will plunder their cities and bring it back to our homes and churches, we will burn their crops, rape their women.”

“They are not Christians, they are animals, FILTH, treat them as such.”

“Now go forth proud sons of Spain, kill in the name of God.”



As an interesting footnote, General Alexander managed to escape the destruction of his army, and went into Exile in Nippon a few years later, due to a rather unfortunate affair with the King’s favourite mistress.

As we can clearly see from the Speech and old records from the Royal Archives, Madrid, the conflict was about more than just trade and naval supremacy.

That concludes today’s feature, join us again at a later day, and we shall cover even more fascinating elements of our World.



Tuesday, July 24th, 2007

True, This! —
Beneath the rule of men entirely great,
The pen is mightier than the sword. Behold
The arch-enchanters wand! — itself a nothing! —
But taking sorcery from the master-hand
To paralyse the Cæsars, and to strike
The loud earth breathless! — Take away the sword —
States can be saved without it!

Welcome my children, to this Feature of the FORUM WATCH!

In which we once again shall mock the silly, insult the stupid and cleanse the idiotic. Always remember to insult idiots, no matter who they are, because if you don’t, they’ll just think what they are doing is a good thing, and Eris free Us from that.

We start with a timeless classic:

This thread started as a joke, Faerie Fortune wanted to joke around with the good old cliché of attention whores being bisexual, nothing special.

Except that our good old friend Rain saw it, and blew the entire joke into the stratosphere in his usual raging stupidity. Also, he admits he “likes to be the center of attention”, well no shit Mr. Stereotypical Flamboyant insecure poorly speaking Homosexual douchebag, we didn’t fucking know.

Moving on, far away from Animeleague, to a short special presentation on: How to spot a troll:

Let’s ignore the horrible title of this LJ community, and laugh at their utter failure to recognize a troll, I could tell you how, but that would be a breach of the Compact.

And now, for the Transgender Queen-King and King-Queen of this FORUM WATCH:


Somethingawful has this weird tendency to draw in both the singularly most brilliant people on the Internet, and the by far most “peculiar” and “unique”.

This is a case of a crazy women who marries some furry transgender guy, at a Convention, as a vaguely Zelda themed weeding.

Also, she’s fat.

A bit of Important backstory, read it you really care, let’s just say that this “lady” is a raging lunatic, and that she should be removed quietly from the genepool.

Also: Some more details can be found in the “happy” “Bride’s” journal:

Oh, and check this freak out: THE END TIMES

Look at the person on the far right, what sex is that?

Guess what, IT’S FEMALE!

The Battle of Accra.

Sunday, July 22nd, 2007

An excerpt from Tut-Al’kahazam’s Autobiography.

It was early morning, and I woke to the sounds of an army at rest, the sound of thousands of good men and women getting ready to face their enemy.

I woke and prepared my usual morning meal, boiled grain and pigs blood, many men of my status would have servants to do such menial things for them, but I am not them, I am myself.

After my Spartan meal, I dressed in my uniform and walked outside, to raise the good soldiers morale by walking among them, I have already memorized most of the people’s names, so that I can call out to them, ask them how their families are, how their games last night went.

It does wonders for morale; any commander should do such, to the extent that he is able.

As I walked among them, talking with them, I directed my gaze across the soon-to-be battlefield, at the Belgian Expeditionary Force that, like we, were preparing themselves for war.

If they knew of war of course, my spies tell me that all the Belgians do is to simply throw men into the battle, how utterly disgraceful.

Not like we would do, oh no, I ordered Commander Orasia and her rifle horsemen into the forest in the foothills to the west of the Belgian positions, when I gave the signal they would tear into the Belgians.

Not that I would ever doubt my own forces more than necessary, but it does always pay to be on the safe side, especially in war.

As I looked towards the Belgian lines, I could vaguely see their officers yelling at their enlisted and conscripted men, presumably to get in line and prepare to march towards your death for “king and country”.

But if war is what they want, then we shall give it to them, we will fight them where they come, and we will kill them.

And when my army crush these Belgians, and crush them we will, I will march to their colony and cease it from them, offering any remaining Belgians citizenship and the right to the lands they have settled on.

I am sure you’re thinking “but what about those who already lived on the land?” let you’re worries be at peace my friends, those lands where unpopulated but for a few hunters, the Belgians did a good job building their colony, I will give them that much.

But that is for later, now, I shall prepare my speech to the soldiers of my army, and send a scout out to Orasia, she must prepare her soldiers too.

For war is upon us today, and we shall relish it, for it is the true way.

Taken from “The Strength of the People, My Strength” page 243, the Battle of Accra as it was written by Tut-Al’kahazam the mighty himself.

The Speech in question is relayed here:

High-President Tut-Al’Kahazam the Mighty of Ghana’s Speech to the Army of Accra, minutes prior to the battles beginning.

“My Sons! My Daughters! My Children”

“You are the proud warriors of Ghana, of the Republic, of your homes, your families, your bloodlines”.

“Today we fight, and we fight these Belgians, they outnumber us, that they do, but we are wiser than them, smarter and better than them, so we shall prevail.”

“And we will drive them back to their homelands in distant Europe, who they should never have left.”

“We will teach them war, we will teach them the true way of the warriors.”

“For we are the blades of Ghana, the sons and daughters of the old ways and the new ways.”

“We combine the greatest things in Africa, traditions and progress, liberalism and conservatism.”

“And today, my friends, my soldiers, my army.”





High-President Tut-Al’Kahazam the Mighty of Ghana

Friday, July 20th, 2007

Destroyer of the Belgians, Lord of the Rinsing Sun.

In 1732, during the Conference of Strassbourg, the Big Powers of Europe and Asia attempted to carve out Africa for colonization. Those colonization attempts utterly failed, as the African nations, understandably, didn’t want to be colonized by arrogant Europeans and Asians.

One of the nations in question was the Greater Federal Republic of Ghana, led by President Tut-Al’kahazam the Mighty, who had been re-elected seven times, by the time of the colonization attempts.

The Ghana territories had been granted to the Kingdom of Belgium, and King Albert XI had prepared a mighty colonization fleet for the purpose of building “New Belgium”.

The first fleet was utterly obliterated by Barbary Coast Pirates, who still send the Belgium State a letter every Christmas thanking them for all the treasure and booty they stole.

The second fleet went off course due to the raging incompetence of the Belgian navigators, and ultimately ended up stranded on the shores of the Inca Empire, the Great Inca decided in his wisdom to allow the Belgian settlers to live in his land in exchange for their loyalty and skills. To this day, many of the greatest men and women in the Inca Empire have Belgian blood in their veins.

The third fleet was actually successful in reaching Ghana itself, King Albert XI didn’t live to actually see it though, he died in 1746 and was succeed by Lothar III.

The third fleet’s successful landing created a shock in President Tut’s administration, and a number of diplomatic mission where dispatched to the High-Council of Europe, to demand an immediate withdraw of the Belgian colonists.

The Belgians refused even to listen to the diplomats, and the other nations of the Council decided that it was a Belgian and Ghanese problem.

Ghana was not just any African nation, Ghana had the largest and most well equipped army on the Continent, even had superior weapons compared to their Belgian opponents.

The conflict finally escalated into full-blown war in 1748, where the Belgians assaulted the Ghana capital of Accra, the battle resulted in the almost complete destruction of the Belgian forces, as President Tut, commanding the Army of Accra himself, order a flanking manoeuvre using horsemen armed with repeating rifles, resulting in massive casualties to the Belgian forces, operating under the standard European strategy of “Massed wave attacks”.

The almost total destruction of the Belgian Army, and the following capture of the Belgian Colony, would seem to many to be the end of the war.

But not to Tut the Mighty, he mobilized his armies and his fleet, and sailed and invaded Belgium, and utterly crushed the Belgians in their own homeland, forcing them to a humiliating peace and causing a shockwave in Europe and Africa, resulting in a total failure towards any other colonization of Africa.

President Tut managed to be re-elected until his death in 1794 at the age if 114, his grateful people build the mighty State of Accra to celebrate his achievements.

President Tut Al’kahazam unusual title “Lord of the Rinsing Sun” is strictly religious in nature, and was awarded by the Compact of Pagan Nations in 1782 for his hard work against Christian aggression.

In President Tut can we even today see a brilliant and unyielding leader, and many African leaders today, celebrate him as their greatest statesman and general.



Thursday, July 19th, 2007

[13:43] Gee, thanks
[13:43] I’ll make up something random like Harry has brother
[13:43] Or a sister.
[13:43] ASSFAT
[13:44] assfat? what
[13:44] Thats digg for you 🙂
[13:44] We’re making fun of the whole Harry Potter leak.
[13:44] Also, Snape Kills Dumbledore.
[13:44] Which is actually true.
[13:44] Did I mention Hermoine is harrys farther?
[13:44] lies, i fed dumbledoor to a banana
[13:44] oh and Harry has a twin sister
[13:45] *dore
[13:45] Also Soylent green is people
[13:45] She give a small elf a message
[13:45] “Help me obi… errr. hagreg, you’re our only hope”
[13:46] They also build a really big ball
[13:46] Also, Harry figures out how to channel magic through his “wand”, and use it as a lightsaber.
[13:46] that destroys the school
[13:46] And Harry can now lift shit with his mind.
[13:46] it creates a disburnce in the fo-magic field
[13:47] All Wizards hear it, and mentioned it feels like a million house-elves crying out in pain.
[13:47] Fortunately a muggle called Harry Sulu comes in and helps out
[13:47] with a talking bear called choku
[13:47] This is going to be the BEST BOOK EVER
[13:47] And the biggest LAWSUIT EVER!
[13:48] The humans managed to build themselves a boat
[13:48] called the magic falcrum
[13:48] And weird looking guys keeps making plans about how “the spice must flow”.
[13:49] then they discover a town, a small town with small people
[13:49] one of them has a ring
[13:49] its a very scary ring
[13:49] Also, Poul Granger comes out with his weirding ways and defeats the Evil Si-Dark Emperor.
[13:49] they need to destroy it by throwing it in a volcano
[13:49] but not just any volcano
[13:49] a volcano in a place called endor
[13:50] And the Naz-Dementors try and stop them.
[13:51] And Indiana Jones comes flying through the Window and hands Harry to Cup of Christ to heal Hermione.
[13:51] Who is Harry’s dad.
[13:51] * RanmaGuy ( Quit (Quit: zzz -=SysReset 2.53=-)
[13:52] Eventually after they destroy the ring and save the day, they decide to go and explore, so they take the magic falcrum on a 5 year mission
[13:52] to seek out new magic, and new towns
[13:52] to boldly go, where no wizard has gone before
[13:52] Until they are fucked up by the Predator.
[13:53] The end.
[13:53] ….?
[13:53] Excellent book
[13:53] I cant wait
[13:53] Sorry if we ruined it all for you guys 🙁
[13:54] Hahahaha

Once again, it’s time for the FORUM WATCH!

Wednesday, July 18th, 2007

Hey again kids, it’s me again.

Unfortunately I’ve just recently been banned form Animeleague, because I pointed out how utterly useless some of their moderators are.

I guess criticism is cause for banning on Animeleague, but then again, no one cares anyway.

Nonetheless, I shall not stop from making fun of their stupid forums.

Otherwise they would win, and that wouldn’t be acceptable at all.

First Item’s up, one of my threads, I posted in connection with my conveyance of a few titles.

I give four people Noble Titles.

It’s a very fine example of useless posts and threadshitting, it doesn’t have Rain through, otherwise it would be a perfect example of a good thread gone shit.

Talking about Rain, let’s take a look at her bad taste shall we?

I’m watching big brother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rain’s actually male, and also a flamboyantly insecure homosexual. He will also constantly make use of silly Ebonics, and claim that the word “hoe” isn’t demeaning to women.


Apparently Rain takes offence to the word “faggot”, so I guess I’ll just piss the weakling of a bit more.

That was today’s Forum Watch; join me again, whenever, wherever.

RagnarokZ Augustus.

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