The Emperor’s Words

Jacqueline Stem didn’t contact me, I randomly stumbled upon here sailing the High Seas of electrons.

Just before I actually start chucking away about her songs, let me point out that her myspace does NOT require the combined processing power of small African countries, unlike pretty much everyone else I’ve ever reviewed.

Well done.

“Streams of Conciousness” is the first song she’s made available on her myspace, she is as she advertises, her voice, a guitar.

The only real problem I have is that I have absolutely no fucking clue what the hell she’s actually singing, as a European, I often find myself unable to understand some American accents, quite odd.

“Anything but ourselves”, starts out slowly. Unlike the first song, I can understand her quite clearly, odd, but I’m not complaining.

I’m actually enjoying this one much more than it’s predecessor. No clue what she’s singing about though.

“Bury my feet”. The first thing I notice is the weird title of the song. Pretty sure the song’s all about love and what do you care.

Unlike most of the freaks I’ve reviewed, this one can actually sing, the sound quality isn’t the best when she hits some of the higher tones, probably an encoding problem.

“Game”.

Ben Nevis. Only thing this one has is a slightly different intro.

“Rodrigo plays the keys”, shit girl, your titles makes less and less sense as time passes. It’s still fairly decent, unfortunately my preferences is for music with a bit more noise.

“All the dance you do”, starts out like the rest, soft and quite.

“Walking in Circles”

Come on, not that tired all cliché, must be bloody billions of songs with those exact words, try again.

Ultimately Jacqueline, you’re a fairly decent, quite possibly good, artist. And unlike most the peasants I’ve reviewed so far, you genuinely sound like you actually care for the music.

And aren’t just doing it for coke and whores.

Well done.

We don’t need no big brother.
We’ve our neighbourhood.
We don’t need no little bugs.
We’ve got out mothers.

We don’t need no rights.
We’ve got out patriots.
We don’t need no science.
We’ve got faith.

Cause this is a society of fear and despair.
Watch the news, listen, obey!
Free your will, submit to us!
Shut up and sit down!

Cause we’re a society of fear and despair.
Duck and cover, buy some duct tape!
Fox News, Bill O’Reily, Ron Paul!
Get up and salute the flag.

We don’t need no reality.
We’ve got our dreams.
We don’t need no censorship.
‘Cause we’ve got hope.

This is a society of hope and dreams.
‘Cause we say so.
Don’t let Ann Coulter win!

STAND UP AND SCREAM!

Which song do you like best on my page?

Well Seretha Lichez, seeing as you ask, I’ll tell you.

Wait, Seretha Lichez? What the hell? Where your parents high on acid when they gave you that name? Or is this one of those “we’re minorities, let’s go fucking crazy” things?

I’ll presume the latter, because I live in a fantasy world where all parents are good.

“I Wish”, personally I wish the song would end before it was even conceived. The music is fucking terrible, the chorus is downright painful, it’s just Seretha’s annoying voice going “I wish, I wish, I wish”, bloody terrible.

“Fools in love”, yeah, shit.

Why do you sound like everyone else on the surface of the planet you talentless waste of oxygen. This song is awful.

“So lost”, yeah, you are lost, lost in an imaginary world where actually civilized people likes crap like this. Oh wait, you’re in America, I forgot, oh well, close second I suppose.

“Rhetorical Questions”, wait, you probably don’t even know what “rhetorical” means, or what “question” means for that matter.

Not because you are a black, it’s because you have to be utterly idiotic to enjoy or even make crap like that.

“Push up on me” starts like nothing else Sara or whatever has made. The intro music is excellent, actually the guitar in the background is excellent, to bad that obnouxios beat drowns in out.

And there are those fucking clap sounds too, shit, sucks.

The lyrics is generic “I’m afro-american, fell sorry for me” deal.

“5 minutes” starts like a soft romantic song, to bad Simon’s horrible voice ruins all of it. And hey, it’s the clapping sound again, awesome.

The rest of the music sounds like something stolen from old DOS games, fucking great.

And it doesn’t even last five minutes, would be a rip-off, but it’s free.

Susan, you are fucking horrible.

But to answer your question, the best song you’ve made it the first 10-15 seconds of “Push up on me” just before you start wailing.

How the hell do you “push up” on anyone?

Hail dear Conqueror, we welcome you with open hearts and souls.

Please?

The City of Kalinth was destroyed three days after the Prayer was submitted, according to legend, the unknown Conqueror laugh as he massacred his way through the city.

The location of Kalinth has been lost, the only surviving record, presently located in the Library of Constantinople, only mentions it’s location somewhere north of present-day Baghdad.

come and show some luv to ya dog Linkking
i wanna be a superstar

It even had the subject line: “Big Dreamz”. Even from the begining this idiot makes me hate him, HATE HIM, hate him like the old lady who pays all her groceries in small change, like the fat lady in the bus sitting next to you, releasing digestive gasses, like conservatives and religious nutters.

I fucking dipise him before I’ve even listened to his music, I hate him even though I’ve never meet him, all based on his shitty messages, well done “Linkking“.

Perhaps this will teach you not to mass messages random people on the Internet, not that I’d ever presume you being capable of actually learning anything.

But on with the show, or the nightmare, depending on how pissed off I’ll end up.

“Move ya body” has a pretty unorginal title, has the start up “aahhhahh” of Wannabe, and has a pretty generic sound all over. It actually takes over a minute before the actual song starts up.

And although it fails to suffer from the usual endlessly repeating beat, it does suffer from people who can’t sing. Which is a pretty serious problem.

The music is good, but whoever the fuck Linkking is, can’t fucking sing.

“Just chillin” continues to be an affront to grammatical spelling everywhere. The music is endlessly repeating, well done returning to standard.

The singer is one again fucking horrible.

“Tell me why featuring Ezu Bean” has fairly decent music, the lyrics are the usual incomprehensible ebonics or whatever the yanks call it these days. The singer is once more, way the fuck below average.

“Freakin featuring Klelia” makes me cry inside. Endless beat, endless song, shitty lyrics, HATE HATE! ARRRGGHHH! I’m going to murder the fucking planet for this! FUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Yes, well.

Linkking, you are a horrible singer, your songs are boring as fuck, your lyrics are horrible and most of your music is utter shit.

And whoever Klelia is, she/he/it should really stop singing, or talking, or breating.

Ever again.

Also, picture of the offending elements:

She didn’t even post some terminally retarded comment, but just a good old fashioned “Hey, thanks for adding me, have a nice day”, unlike most of the retards who keep trying to use the comment section of Myspace as some sort of advertisement board.

She is, however, a singer, so I’ll review here anyway, because I feel like it. Just before I start on the actual music, I’d like to point out that her Myspace is actually decently designed and reasonably simplistic. Points straight from the beginning for that alone.

Also, unlike most artist who uses outrageous clothing or insane sexualization, she just uses pictures like this one.

First song is “Change”, a rather normal country song, in the slow, soft and fairly decent way. Her voice is fairly good, the lyrics aren’t anything special, all in all, it’s an almost overwhelmingly mediocre song, which I guess isn’t that bad a thing, considering the environment of today’s music.

“Turn back the hands of time” starts with bloody banjo music, hahahaha, seriously, I just can’t take any music who seriously tries to use a fucking banjo. A banjo, the single most hilarious musical instrument, only beaten by the bagpipes. I can’t even say anything about this song, because of the damn banjo. Well done Deirdre, I can’t review your song due to Banjo.

“Backstairs” has a decent music, and it has my favourite use of voice, the strong almost yelling style, I have a personal preference for that particular style, well done, pretty sure the song is about how she wants to get up. She lose points for letting it be a sample.

Not that it matters, as I don’t use a point system.

“Redneck male” has the worst damn name ever, glorifying a culture of idiots and racism isn’t really anything I can stand behind. Also, it’s fairly average. Also sample, BAD GIRL!

“Heart of Glass” is way to romantic, and she falls for the annoying temptation of babbling on about how hard love is etcetera etcetera. Also a fucking sample, dammit, not buying your fucking CD now.

“Waitress in a Waiting house” is pretty much like the rest, really.

I gotta admit that Country music really isn’t my favourite, I prefer music with a bit more “go” in it. Also, I always get this weird mental image of rednecks sitting on their porch with a shotgun, mumbling about how “It’s all them there blacks fault”, hell, I can’t even spell the same ridiculous accent the Southern parts of the US has.

There was that moron who wanted me to buy her damn book, who kept bothering me with some utterly retarded Southern US accent, written that is, which makes no fucking sense.

But, Deirdre is a fairly decent singer, and whoever writes some of her music, is at least reasonably skilled.

The person who decided on the sample should be shot though, that’s just stupid.

[20:33] Sace> like how he got into the chatroom.
[20:34] ~FreeSaiyan> And Original_viper please do not encourage the troll in future.
[20:34] Original_viper> How was I encouraging him?
[20:34] Original_viper> He joined, and I’m not a chat op
[20:35] Original_viper> If I were, I would have banned him for you
[20:35] ~FreeSaiyan> Asking for his site encourages him.
[20:35] Original_viper> He has other things on his site other than trolling AL
[20:35] FaerieFortune> Actually banning him does
[20:35] Original_viper> He had a video on it that I liked.
[20:35] ~FreeSaiyan> In the context it encourages him.
[20:36] ~FreeSaiyan> Quit splitting hairs.
[20:36] Original_viper> No it doesn’t. He trolls you because he thinks its funny

Congratulations Original_viper, you are spot-on. Allow me to convey in imagery how I think FreeSaiyan of Animeleague.net reacts every time I make yet another gimmick account in order to troll his silly little dole funded forum.

This is pretty much how Free reacts, that, and paranoia. Apparently he thinks I’m going to hack his forums, steal that abomination of a girlfriend he has/had/will have and break into his house and steal his children pornography.

Which is insane, I have neither the time, nor do I have the technical knowledge to actually “hack” a forum, not do I care.

I’m not touching anything that actually wants to hang around him while being in control of ones mind.

And I’d only break into his house and steal his chairs, because everyone needs a gimmick.

So yeah, relax Michael, just because most of the people on the Internet you encounter are utterly psychotic, doesn’t mean I am.

Also, do me a favour and start dating someone you haven’t found on your forum, get a job and make it a lot harder for me to mock you.

Thanks again for the add RagnaokZ. I wanted to invite you to check out the Pain track on my page.
It’s an intense blend of intense Rock/Rap, lemme know what you think!

Is it just me, or does the word “independent” used in conjunction with music usually means “sucks horribly”.

But hey, let’s not judge a book on it’s cover, or a Myspace band on it’s shitty website.

First up is “Pain”, whose lyrics i misheard and for a few moments thought it was a lament about erectile dysfunction. It’s just some emo crap about how “Love hurts”, no sht Sherlock, thanks for telling us the oldest secret in the history of mankind.

Fuck off.

“Time’s Wasting” is all about entropy. Not the worst theme. To bad the music is awful, the lyrics sucks, everything about it sucks.

It makes suicide and damnation sounds like a fair and awesome alternative to listening.

“Paradigm featuring some guy callled Benjamin”, starts out softly. The music starts out decent, to bad it just ends up being endlessly repeating.

And since when has “sounding like scratched up CD” been an acceptable sound effect? Shitty song, horribly bland music and fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

“Nothing hurts like love” falls for Policy #812: “Emo-music automatically sucks horribly”, carry on.

“Lithium” falls for the same “Sounds like broken CD” again. And really sucks.

Seriously, for an independent band, they sure do sound like everyone else. I mean, there isn’t a fucking molecule, not even an eletron of originality in any of the songs.

It’s all just bland, samey, mediocre bullshit. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Really, they should.

Comedy and clear mesages in one lovely package.

Alert the media, some random crapturtle has send me yet another useless message of doom and overwhelming dread.

Hey,
I apologize if I sent you this message already. I just wanted to be sure that I thanked you for adding this page of mine and checking my music, but I’m actually going to be deleting it soon, and before I do, I just wanted to make sure you got to my other main page. I would appreciate if you could add that other page by clicking the link below and checking out my new songs and pictures. Thanks so much, and thank you for taking time to listen to my music.

Points for not spelling like a fucking retard, points to you Nicole.

Oh wait, it’s “Nycole”, so I guess she just lost those points.

Nicole Valentina is, and I quote, ” R&B / Hip Hop / Pop”, which makes the voices in my head go “ARGGHHHHH, KILL ALL HUMANS, KILL THEM ALL”.

Let’s get this train wreck on the rails, first song is: “Sick of you”, there is some useless shoutout too, which actually has the best singing of them all.

Sick of you is a standard Hip-hop song, which means it has an endlessly repeating “beat” in the background, which will slowly drive any sane person UTTERLY FUCKING INSANE! ARAGSADGSDFGSD.

Next fucking song.

“With me featuring Who cares”, is fucking horrible. Why the fuck do people keep sending me this bullshit music, and then get vaguely offended every time I tear into their bland crap?

Horrible, simply awful. Makes me miss Spice Girls.

“Body Talk moving slow” has a utterly useless name, and makes about as much sense as Stanley Kubrick and Moebius’s horrible lovechild.

Wait, that would actually be pretty fucking awesome, oh well, the song still sucks.

“Give it up” has the most fitting name, for I am indeed very tempted to give this fucking shit up.

And then a remix of “Sick of you”, featuring yet another asshole I haven’t fucking heard of.

It still sucks.

So, I guess the Shoutout was the best song, no wonder, it has no music.

Hi ho SILVER! AWAY!